What helps me feel safe and secure?

I used to think nothing could scare me, and I would brag about being afraid of nothing. Well things have changed for me in the last several months. I can't help being aware of the danger, in our schools and in our world. I never used to give it a thought when I left the house. I just knew at the end of the day we would all return home to our regular boring routine one more night. But in light of all the turmoil in our world, I am now beginning to wonder if I can keep taking this for granted. Daily now I am aware of the news that there may be more violence headed our way, or there might be something in the air we are breathing that could eventually debilitate or kill us. What a comforting thought that is for me to ponder every day!

I used to think the only way I'd be hurt in life was by making stupid choices with drugs, alcohol, driving crazily or playing stupid games. I used to think I had control over my own destiny, but I am starting to think I was lying to myself about this little idea, too. If things in our world keep reeling out of control, I may end up having to fight in a war or be annihilated by chemical warfare. No, I am not being cynical or morbid. Maybe for the first time in my short life, I am starting to get the big picture about what I can and cannot control.

I really don't want to have to think about these things, but I think I have no choice but to face the truth. It seems as if every time there is a tragedy I think about home. I want my home to be a safe and secure place. But the truth is I'm not sure it is. My family fights over stuff that is so stupid. I watch power struggles about non-important issues. I often wonder if my parents will stay together or if they will get out of their relationship and find yet another one, hopelessly looking for happiness. I hear their stories about the irritations at their workplaces, and I think about all the people out of work right now. I listen to the things I fight about with my siblings. I think to myself "What's the big deal? Just drop it."

What would help me feel safer and more secure? Peace in my family would be the place I wish we could start. I am so tired of the bickering and petty issues that we all blow out of proportion. I wish we would talk to each other in more civil tones. I wish we would try to do more together as a family, even though that feels weird for me to admit. Sometimes I wonder if things would be better if my family would go to worship and pray more together. I've noticed recently people talking more about God. I wonder if being more in tune with our spiritual sides would help my family be more united.

Safety and security seem to be concerns for a lot of people these days. As a teenager, I thought it was always the adult's responsibility to provide these two things for us. Now I think I need to start seeing what I must do to be a part of providing peace in my world. I wish we valued peace as much as we expressed hatred. I want to feel safe and secure, and now I know that has to start in my home first -- with me practicing peace and showing love.

IT (Private thoughts of the Indomitable Teen) is written by Cecilia Tucker under the editorial guidance of a panel of teenagers (in exchange for pizza and volunteer hours). Tucker is a licensed marriage and family therapist at the Counseling Center for New Direction in Seminole. Comments are welcome. You may write c/o: IT!, Xpress, the Times, P.O. Box 1121, St. Petersburg, FL 33731, or e-mail Floridian@sptimes.com. If you are interested in being on the teen editorial panel, please contact Cecilia Tucker at revcecilia@msn.com.

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