Stupid? Or cruel?

SHELTON E-mail: Click here Archive

© St. Petersburg Times
published January 16, 2002

TAMPA -- Raise your eyebrows. Roll your eyes. Shake your head. Then believe whatever you want to believe. In the end, it comes down this.

Either the Glazers are classless.

Or they are clueless.

For the Bucs fan, these are the options. Either the Glazers followed a devious, backhanded plan in the firing of Tony Dungy. Or they acted in a willy-nilly, reckless manner in which no plan at all was in place. They acted badly, or they acted blindly.

How do you like your owners? Repulsive or impulsive? Make your choice. Then decide which makes you more nervous.

Today, there is no other choice. Not after Tuesday's news conference which was, frankly, beyond belief.

According to Joel and Bryan Glazer, if those are really their names, they came to the agonizing decision to fire Dungy only at 7 p.m. Monday. They had not been in contact with Bill Parcells, whoever that was. They only now are beginning to formulate their plans as to which of the large number of amazing candidates coaches the Bucs next. There was no premeditation. There was no sneaky and no deaky.

If you are searching for an appropriate response, try this one:

Ha-ha-HA-ha-HA-ha-HA.

And furthermore, HA.

Either you believe the Glazers are lying, or you believe about 40,000 other people are lying. You believe that every writer of every story in every paper across the country is making it up. You believe that the assistant coaches who have called the Bucs' staff in recent weeks to tell them they were hearing this coach or that one was going with Parcells to Tampa Bay were just spreading rumors. You believe the contract terms were fashioned out of old Lotto numbers.

Either you believe the Glazers went behind Dungy's back to contact Bill Parcells, or you believe they have zero idea who will replace a man who went to four playoffs in five seasons.

Either you believe the structure for a deal with Parcells was in place, or the Bucs could end up introducing new coach ... Marty Schottenheimer. Odd, but last week, it was amazing that the Gators lost Steve Spurrier, Mike Shanahan and Bob Stoops in a matter of days. If there is no deal, the Bucs would have broken that record by losing Dungy, Spurrier and Parcells in a row.

Either you believe the Glazers moved too quickly, or they moved too late. You believe either they were working in the shadows or not at all. You believe in skullduggery, or in skullrocks.

Come on.

The Glazers didn't just twist the facts Tuesday, they left them in a French braid. It was like listening to Jon Lovitz argue with Joe Isuzu over which one was really married to Morgan Fairchild. Any minute, you expected one of the brothers, if they really are brothers, to call an end to the news conference because their pants were on fire.

What is it Lenny Bruce said? When accused, deny everything? That was the, ahem, underlying theme to the news conference. When it was concluded, the Glazers' family credibility was at zero. Not to say the Glazers insulted our intelligence, but they called mine fat and ugly.

Going into the news conference, it was bad enough. It was one thing to replace Dungy as coach of the Bucs. It was another thing to do it in a backhanded manner. Most of us had written the pros and cons of the Dungy era on a sheet of paper a long time ago, and we were merely discussing which side of the sheet we believed in more.

But why allow Dungy to twist in the wind the way he did? Why not tell him what he had to do to preserve his job? Why not wait until the end of the season to act? For weeks, Dungy and his staff heard the rumblings around the league, that this coach was going to Tampa Bay with Parcells, that the decision was cold.

Dungy, trusting soul that he is, would not believe it. Even when the leaks began, even when the Glazers were refusing comment, Dungy believed he would be evaluated at the end of his season. Well, surprise.

The Glazers, on the other hand, would have you believe that it didn't happen that way. That they were being patient, pondering, studying. That, at dinner time Monday, they came to the conclusion they had to make the painful move. For whom, who knows?

Frankly, this is a scarier scenario. It is one thing to believe the Glazers worked to have a deal in place with a legendary coach. You could debate the end vs. the means about that one all afternoon.

It is worse to imagine Joel shouting into his telephone: "Operator? I said Parcells. P-a-r-c-e-l-l-s. In Jersey!"

News flash: Hours after the news conference, the Bucs announced they had begun negotiations with Parcells' agent at 4 p.m. In golfing terms, this is called improving your lie.

Do you believe the owners? Do you believe in the owners? That's really what's at stake, isn't it? Do the Glazers want us to believe them when they tell us that Rich McKay will continue to be in charge of procuring players for this team, or when they tell us the team isn't for sale?

Here's what I believe. I believe the Glazers have been talking with Parcells' people, off and on, for almost a year. It's a rotten way to hire a coach, but no, it wouldn't be the first covert operation in the NFL.

I believe that if Parcells is hired, McKay will be assigned other duties.

I believe Parcells has a truckload of leverage today.

I believe, in another week or so, they'll announce him as their head coach.

If the sides need it, I'll be happy to handle the introductions. They've never met, you know.

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