Wife: Image of manhood vanished at home

Linda Kantaras says her transgender husband's outlook and behavior was a poor example for her children.

By WILLIAM R. LEVESQUE, Times Staff Writer
© St. Petersburg Times
published February 7, 2002

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CLEARWATER -- To the world, Michael Kantaras acted like a man. At home, that facade of masculinity evaporated.

That's according to Linda Kantaras, his wife, who testified Wednesday in the couple's divorce and custody battle that her transsexual husband didn't privately display the kind of behavior she associates with a man.

And that presented a less than ideal male role model to her children, she said, and especially complicated their 12-year-old son's personal growth.

"I'm not saying by any means he runs around with a dress on or pumps," she said, speaking of her husband. "He doesn't have the demeanor behind closed doors that a man does. . . . I don't know how to explain it."

But she found a way. Linda Kantaras explained how her husband sometimes discussed her menstrual cycle.

"He would say, 'Well, I know what you're going through. I've been there.' I don't want to know things like that from him," Linda Kantaras said. "My husband should not be telling me things like that. . . . I never asked things about when he was a girl.

"I didn't want to ever remember Michael Kantaras as a woman."

Kantaras, 33, said she was pleased when her children were around other men after her marriage broke up. She said she witnessed her son grow in ways he hadn't before.

Her son, she said, "is going to grow up now and be a good, strong, stern man that people will respect."

At times, her vision of what she perceived to be a man appeared something of a stereotype. Kantaras complained, for example, that her husband had few male friends and didn't do traditionally male things with them, such as hunting.

Under cross-examination, Linda Kantaras was pressed on statements she made in court contradicting earlier testimony about how she could never view Michael as a man, especially in the bedroom.

In a previous hearing, Linda Kantaras told a judge, "I've never looked at Michael as a woman."

The case has focused on Michael Kantaras' true gender and whether, under Florida law, the couple's 1989 marriage was valid. In many other respects, it's a typical custody and divorce case with both parents claiming to be better able to care for the children.

Linda Kantaras has custody of the boy and his 10-year-old sister.

The boy, whom Michael Kantaras adopted, is Linda's from a previous relationship. Linda Kantaras had the girl through artificial insemination using donor sperm from Michael's brother.

Kantaras is expected to conclude her testimony today in Pinellas-Pasco Circuit Court.

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