Opinion: Pass this test if you want to live in Florida

Applicants for U.S. citizenship have to sit through an examination on our nation's origins, ideals and laws. So why not make people wanting to move to Florida demonstrate some knowledge of Florida's literature, environment, geography and history? Those already resident should have to take the test, too -- and no extra points for natives. Consequences of blowing the test will be merciless yet just, in the tradition of the state's criminal code: fail three times and FDLE will escort you to a new home in either (your choice) Caliente, Nev., or Brewton, Ala.

Now to make this fair, the Florida Cultural Literacy Test (F-CuLT) should be tried first at the top. The governor is always saying how much he likes tests. So sharpen those No. 2 pencils, power brokers. The secretary of state, old-line citrus princess that she is, should ace the thing. With three shots, even the commissioner of education should squeak by (he managed to pass the Bar in only three tries).

A crash course could be provided for politicos who haven't been here long. Maybe Gov. Jeb Bush should read up on his Republican predecessor, Gov. Harrison Reed, who had to fight his own party. Maybe Speaker of the House Tom Feeney could bone up on the history of Florida's independent judiciary. And Rep. Johnnie Byrd could find out who the Apalachee were. Maybe then he'll understand why Tallahasseeans were appalled that he wanted to rename the Apalachee Parkway, the street that runs up to the old capitol, after Ronald Reagan.

Maybe they can all learn something about Florida -- before they finish paving over it.

Here are some sample F-CuLT questions.

1. On which side was Florida in the Revolutionary War?

2. Where was Creature from the Black Lagoon filmed?

3. Who fought at Fort Mose in 1740?

4. Who died at Rosewood in 1923?

5. Name five still-unspoiled Florida rivers (hint: this could be a trick question).

6. Name five species of Florida animals that will soon disappear if development continues at its current pace.

7. Name five Native American tribes present in Florida when Panfilo de Narvaez arrived.

8. True or False: There are Precambrian mountains buried more than 10,000 feet below the ground in Highlands County.

9. True or False: Andrew Jackson loved Florida and wanted to be buried under a sabal palm in Sneads.

10. True or False: Railroad king Henry Flagler's wife, Alice, threatened to kill him and marry the Tsar of Russia.

11. True or False: Juan Ponce de Leon found the Fountain of Youth near Wauchula, but one of his men started mining phosphate nearby and the run-off polluted it.

12. True or False: Faye Dunaway is from De Funiak Springs.

13. True or False: In 1867, Harriet Beecher Stowe went to live on a cotton plantation in northeast Florida.

14. True or False: The grandfather of David Levy Yulee, Florida's first U.S. senator, was the Grand Vizier to the Sultan of Morocco.

15. The world's only professional clown school is located in a) Sarasota, b) Venice, c) Kissimmee d) Room 420 in the state Capitol.

16. Weedon Island Culture is a) a gated community in Naples b) a Tiki bar in Gainesville c) a mound-building group of early Native Americans d) Creed's new CD.

17. Zora Neale Hurston is the author of a) Lift Every Voice and Sing, b) Twasinta's Seminoles, or the Rape of Florida, c) Tourist Season, d) Mules and Men.

18. At his Jefferson County dinner parties, Prince Achille Murat liked to serve a) rattlesnake, b) turkey buzzard, c) owls baked with their heads on, d) all of the above.

19. Fakahatchee Strand is a) a golf course in New Tampa, b) home of the rarest and most diverse flora in America, c) a type of pearl oyster, d) prime sugar cane property.

20. Napoleon Bonaparte Broward was a) owner of large hotels in Fort Lauderdale, b) a height-challenged Emperor of France, c) 19th governor of Florida, famous for running guns to Cuban revolutionaries and more or less inventing the Board of Regents.

21. The Battle of Natural Bridge was a) a tussle between local cops and Kappa Alphas at a Laguna Beach disco during Spring Break 1965, b) a late skirmish in the Civil War just outside Tallahassee which saved it from falling to Union troops, c) a rumble between radical eco-warriors and cement industry security guards over a proposed plant on the Ichetucknee.

ESSAY QUESTION: William Bartram (look him up) wrote that Florida is "a glorious apartment in the boundless palace of the Sovereign Creator, furnished with an infinite variety of animated scenes, inexpressibly beautiful and pleasing, equally free to the inspection and enjoyment of all his creatures." Is this still true? Discuss.

All answers are available at your local public library, assuming the recent budget cuts still allow for books.

Diane Roberts, a former Times editorial writer, is a professor of English at the University of Alabama.

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