I am an addict

No, I am not in an Alcoholic Anonymous group, and this is not a confession. This is a reality and the truth. I know it, and so do my friends. What makes me an addict? I like to drink and do drugs. I use drugs and alcohol excessively almost everytime I am with those friends. I have passed out more than once. I have friends who have ended up in the hospital unconscious and passed out in their own vomit.

I know all the statistics. Did you know that 10.4-million current drinkers are ages 12-20? Did you know that of this group, 6.8-million of us engage in binge drinking? Did you know those statistics include 2.1-million labeled as heavy drinkers? Binge drinking is defined as the consumption of five or more servings of alcohol in one sitting, no matter what age or weight you are. These facts can be found out on any MADD Web site.

I know that alcohol affects my brain cells, as well as my ability to learn and retain information. I know the health factors involved with alcohol abuse. I know I use alcohol to make things better. Like most teenagers, I took my first drink at a young age. I was at a party, and when it was offered I said yes. I didn't know then that during an average weekend one teenager (15 to 20 years) dies each hour in a car crash. I also learned this information from the Web site www.madd.org. Why did I go there? I got scared.

This was after I was involved in a car accident; luckily, no one was killed. A couple of my friends got pretty banged up, and the driver lost a driver's license. This was when I panicked. I am an addict, and I don't know how to stop. When I took my first drink at 13, I never intended to become an alcoholic. I was just curious and drank for the fun of it, to fit in with the crowd. I drank sometimes because there was nothing else to do. Now I fit in and I can't seem to find a way out of this one-way street I find myself in, and I do want out.

I have had all the education one can get about alcohol. I have done the DARE program. I have had all the information given to me in my health and science classes. Information is not the problem. I don't know how to stop drinking. I have started something I can't seem to stop, and I never wanted anything to control me. My life centers on the next party and the next drink. It doesn't even matter now what the drink is . . . I will drink whatever is available and, preferably, free.

Am I doomed to this life forever? I am not even 20 years old, yet I feel helplessly stuck. I can't afford a treatment center, and I am not sure how successful they are, anyway. I know my parents know I drink, but I think they feel more helpless than I do, if that is possible. They have confronted me before; I just angrily denied I had a problem. Now I want to go to them with the truth, but I am afraid they have already given up on me.

Please don't give up on me! Please help me find a way to open a door so I can approach you about my drinking. I am tired of feeling like the elephant in the middle of the room when our family has problems. I seem to be the cause of many of them. Talk to me one more time and offer me your help. You'll never know when I'm ready to accept your HELP!!! Maybe it's now.

Fast forward one year: I found a center where I could to talk to other teenagers with the same problem I have. It has been five months since I've had a drink or done drugs. I guess there's a shred of hope left for me, after all. There is one for you, too.

IT! (Private thoughts of the Indomitable Teen) is written by Cecilia Tucker under the editorial guidance of a panel of teenagers (in exchange for pizza and volunteer hours). Tucker is a licensed marriage and family therapist at the Counseling Center for New Direction in Seminole. Comments are welcome. You may write c/o: IT!, Xpress, the Times, P.O. Box 1121, St. Petersburg, FL 33731, or e-mail Floridian@sptimes.com. If you are interested in being on the teen editorial panel, please contact Cecilia Tucker at revcecilia@msn.com.

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