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© St. Petersburg Times, published February 11, 2002
SALT LAKE CITY -- Whoa, dude.
Danny Kass knows what you're thinking, okay. And he, like, isn't really into it, you know?
You're looking at his hair, long and unkept, framing his head like Judd Nelson's in The Breakfast Club. You're looking at his eyes, half-closed and sleepy, like Keanu Reeves' in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. You're listening to the sing-song jargon of a 19-year-old who sounds very much like Sean Penn playing Spicoli in Fast Times and Ridgemont High.
You're looking, and you're not thinking "athlete," are you?
You're looking, and you're thinking, "Gee. Whatever happened to Beavis?"
Kass knows this, of course. He is an outsider's outsider, a snowboarder who makes other snowboarders roll their eyes. He knows the image that older, staid Americans have of his sport.
"Dude, I guess the stereotype is that we're all a bunch of punks, doing drugs and getting out of control," he said, shaking his head.
Gee, Danny. How much of that is true?
"About 15 percent, man," he said.
Welcome to the world of Danny Kass, Olympian.
Either you will get a kick out of the kid, or he will drive you crazy. Most 19-year-olds are like that. Either you will embrace the freshness of snowboarding, or you will think the Games have been taken over by the Sex Pistols. Either you will think he needs a spanking, or you will applaud.
Just imagine. The short little slacker in front of you is competing for the same prize as Dan Jansen, Bonnie Blair and Peggy Fleming did. Is that sick? He could win a medal and watch the flag raise. Isn't that cool?
As a sport, snowboarding continues to be an odd fit with the Olympics. It is a graduate of the X-Games, and there are as many snowboarders who would protest its inclusion in something as dignified and proper as the Olympics as there are on the other side. Would slam-dancers join the ballet? Would Iggy Pop join the Boston Pops?
Many of the world's best snowboarders didn't bother to show. What's so rebellious about the Olympics? Isn't this, like, selling out?
"I don't think I've sold out," Kass said. "But it could happen."
That's vintage Kass. He never strikes you as completely serious about anything. He is, after all, 19.
Question: Danny, what kind of training do you do?
Answer: Well, snowboarders don't train as seriously as some athletes. It makes your muscles too big for snowboarding. I try to eat healthy though.
Question: What do you eat?
Answer: Taco Bell, man.
And so it goes. Ask snowboarders about their sport, and they'll tell you it isn't a sport, it's a lifestyle. Ask them about the key to winning, and they'll say something like "big amplitude." Ask them about the progress of the sport, and they'll say, "Everybody's going way bigger and way more stylie."
Oh.
In the middle of it all is Kass, who thinks people asking him questions are about as odd as they think he is. The news conference is something of a zoo, with each side thinking the other is the one on display.
Ask him about what music he plays on his headset as he competes -- Does anyone remember if Jean-Claude Killey did that? -- and he talks of Metallica and AC/DC Then he looks at his audience.
"I like the Beatles, too," he said.
Yeah? What's your favorite Beatles song?
"I was listening to Yesterday yesterday," he said.
You were not, you tell him.
"I swear," he said, not quite convincingly.
"Danny, are you a dude?" someone asks.
"Some of my friends call me dude," he said. "I use the word dude sometimes. Are you a dude?"
Win gold, Danny, and maybe we'll all be dudes.
"I'm only here for the beer and the babes," he said.
Question: Danny, how do you deal with the stereotype that snowboarders are so laid-back?
Answer: Well, you have to go with the flow. You play a lot more video games, I guess.
Question: Danny, if you win the Olympics, do you think you'll look good on a Wheaties box?
Answer: Not Wheaties, man. I wouldn't eat Wheaties. Count Chocula, maybe. Or a Post cereal. Post makes good stuff.
For Kass, this all began when he followed his big brother out with the snowboarders, those guys who drive skiers crazy. Kass is one of those extreme competitors who borders on the reckless, making him an icon in the sport.
He also is a bit of a bad boy. By now, the story has spread about how he almost was arrested at a sports equipment show in Las Vegas this year. Kass had borrowed his brother's ID, engaged in some underaged drinking and urinated behind a nearby booth. In an article in ESPN: The Magazine, an unnamed competitor said Kass was "bringing the sport back to the dirt bags."
"I wasn't really into that comment," Kass said.
In snowboarding, the Vegas story is the stuff of legend. Remember Ross Rebagliati, who won the gold in '98 for Canada and had his medal stripped (it was restored) when he tested positive for marijuana? The shock wasn't that Rebagliati was caught, but that no one else was. There is a cloud, so to speak, over the sport even now. Halfpipe? Is that a competition or a serving size?
"I don't think you could snowboard if you were wasted," Kass said. "That seems pretty crazy to me."
Question: Danny, do you consider yourself a jock?
Answer: I don't think about myself as a jock very much. In high school, some of the football players weren't down with us. We stole their cheerleaders.
Question: Danny, you live with four of your friends. Is it like college?
Answer: Uh, we don't do homework. And there aren't many ladies. And there are no parties. Except for that, it's exactly like college.
Thing is, there is a spark behind that blank stare of Kass'. A few years ago, he was looking for a helmet for protection. He bought one in an Army-Navy store.
"It isn't too good for snowboarding," Kass said, "But it's probably great if you get shot in the head."
So Kass and his brother began a business making snowboard gloves. Eventually, they'll make helmets. The kid who looks like he should be working at Taco Bell may eventually own one.
"Cool," he says.
Kass stands in a hall encircled by sports writers. He picks at his vest from the U.S. Olympic team. His jeans are so baggy you think he must have dressed in Al Roker's closet. Yep, it's a picture to make you hum Ode to Joy, all right.
The thing is, there is something charming about Kass. Yeah, he's a little outside the lines and, yeah, he's had a few crass moments. But he's more untamed puppy than vicious dog. And look at the bright side: He isn't your 19-year-old.
If you really, really want to get to Kass, tell him how much you like him. Tell him that you want your kid to be just like him. Ask him where he bought his jeans.
That'll drive him crazy.
In the meantime, repeat after me: Dude, where's my medal?