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© St. Petersburg Times, published February 16, 2002
Juan Arroyo, 21, lives in Tampa and works at an oil-change shop. When his nephew was born, he was among the first to hold him.
Of my dreams -- to be a father, computer specialist and positive role model in my community -- fatherhood is the one dream I yearn for most. I'm dying to know what it feels like to love and care for my own child. Why experiencing fatherhood is so important to me is hard to explain. Maybe it's because my father was rarely around when I was growing up.
My parents brought me into the world on Feb. 17, 1980, in Ponce, Puerto Rico. Their separation three years later left my mother and me living in the ghettos.
Going to school and playing with friends is how I spent most of my days in Ponce. My nights were spent looking up at the stars. It was fun, plus it was something that I didn't need money to do, and money was something we had very little of. It doesn't cost anything to look up.
In 1989, with help from my mother's new boyfriend, we left Ponce and moved to Tampa, leaving my father behind. It would be 11 difficult years before I would see him again.
After living in Tampa for several years, my relationship with my mother began to deteriorate. Her boyfriend began hitting me for mistakes I made and sometimes for no reason. She knew what was happening, but never did anything about it. Her silence made me feel like she was choosing him over me. Things got worse. When I was 16, I began getting into trouble at home and school. My mother felt she could no longer handle me, so she sent me to live with my uncle in Texas.
I lived in Texas up until my senior year of high school, but bad decision-making on my part forced me to drop out before graduating. I moved back to Tampa, unsure about my future and wondering more than ever about my father. I needed him.
Throughout my teen years, I often asked my mother about my father. Does he write or call? Is he coming to visit? Her answer was always no. Thus, I grew to hate him for not protecting and loving me -- for not being there. It wasn't until June 2000, when my father came to visit, that my feelings of hate turned to forgiveness and love. We talked. I asked why. I learned the truth. He did call and even came to visit several times, but my mother and her family wouldn't let him talk to or see me. I don't know why they did that. That wasn't cool.
Today, things are different between my father and me. We talk at least twice a week, and last year my fiance and I visited him in New York. It was pretty cool. We're so much alike. We have similar personalities and physical traits. The only difference is that he's bald and I'm not. He has proven to me that his feelings are real. I don't blame him or my mother anymore for what happened in the past. It's over. We're moving forward.
I've worked full-time as an auto mechanic for the last two years and took my GED test in November. I think I did pretty good. I also plan on going to college to study computer graphics and business.
I hope and pray that things keep going well for me and my family. I pray that when I'm a parent, I don't make the same mistakes my parents made.
- My Dream is a feature in which people discuss their goals and aspirations. It appears on Saturdays in Floridian.