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Retreat helps kids cope with their grief
By JOY DAVIS-PLATT, Times Staff Writer
Among the bunch was a bright yellow balloon bearing a message for her father, who had died in May. "Daddy, I love you," she had written in black ink, then signed with the pet name he had for her, "Jenny Poo." On Sunday, Jennifer joined about 55 middle school-age children and their relatives to write messages to dead loved ones on balloons and then release them as a group. The exercise was part of a weekendlong children's bereavement camp sponsored by Hernando-Pasco Hospice at Lakewood Retreat, southeast of Brooksville. Although a weekend in the woods didn't take away her pain from her father's death after complications from an aneurysm, it did teach Jennifer ways to deal with her feelings. "I feel a little better," said Jennifer, who lives in Shady Hills. "I feel like he can hear me." Patterned 10 years ago after a similar camp in Pinellas County, the weekend retreat focuses on showing children that they are not alone in their grief, said Robin Kocher, community relations manager for Hernando-Pasco Hospice. "We found middle school students to be the most receptive for the kinds of issues we are dealing with over a weekend," she said. "A lot of times, you can think you're the only one going through something. This shows them there are a lot of people who are grieving just like them." All children at the camp are from Pasco and Hernando counties and have been referred by a school guidance counselor. Since the program is funded by donations, campers pay only a $10 fee for the weekend. "They are not releasing the person, but linking with them," Kocher said. "They are sending that message on the wind to make a connection." Many of the weekend activities are patterned after corporate retreat exercises and are designed to help students rebuild trust, said Kocher, who has been with hospice 11 years. "When you lose something you have depended on all your life, like a parent or a grandparent, that can make you question everything else in your life," said Kocher. "We want them to learn to trust again." The symbolism of a 10-foot wall was not lost on Desire Davidson. Since her father died of meningitis in September, 10-year-old Desire has had trouble sleeping at night. As her group of seven worked through the task of getting each member over the wall using only a rope, she said knowing they were there was a comfort. "There are a lot of other people here who have gone through the same thing as me," she said. "It's not like I'm alone, and that makes it easier." Looking past the weekend, Desire was able to smile at memories of fishing with her father. "I love him and I miss him," she said. "He was special." For camp coordinator Dana Outlaw, one of the most healing exercises of the weekend serves to teach children the importance of ritual. "When words aren't enough to hold how you feel, then we turn to ritual," she said. On Saturday night, campers placed notes to their loved ones in a large nest. The basket was set ablaze, then released into a nearby lake. "The nest is a metaphor for nurturing and containment and growth," said Outlaw, whose father built the basket from wisteria, grapevine and sage grass. "We were sending up our prayers and wishes on that smoke."
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From today's Hernando Times |
