|
Trust me to choose my friends
By CECILIA A. TUCKER
© St. Petersburg Times
published March 18, 2002
Second of two parts.
I get so tired of the same old argument with my parents. I am not going to choose different friends until I am ready. I wish my parents would stop judging my friends. If my parents think my friends are not good for me, so be it! If they think I am going nowhere because of the friends I choose, oh well! If they think my friends influence me in ways that are self-destructive, I am sorry. My parents have certainly had some unhealthy relationships too, you know. So, back off! What I am trying to say to my parents is "Don't worry. I will not make the same mistakes you have made!" Interesting thought, huh?
Do I want to have the same hurts and disappointments I have seen my parents go through? Do I want to have relationships that take me down roads I wish I had never gone down? If I start looking at the type of friends I choose will it make a difference for me later in my life? Can I make BETTER choices than some of the adults in my life have made?
I wonder why I find myself so willing to compromise some times? There are even times I see myself giving in and following what my friends have encouraged me to do, but these are the times when I know we are headed for disaster. I get mad at myself for continuing on this potentially destructive path. When my parents call me on these bad decisions, I find myself wanting to disappear because I knew where this journey was headed from the beginning. I knew the difference between right and wrong but it is not usually cool to always do the right thing. Maybe it is time for me to be honest about what is really cool and what is not! I hate to admit it but sometimes "cool" is dead wrong and gets me into deep trouble.
I have parents and other adults who care about me now and they also want me to succeed in the future. I am glad about this fact but it does make it harder for me at times. It seems that teenagers who are raising themselves have an excuse if they screw up: People will say "well, what did you expect from those kids anyway?" If they succeed, people are just amazed they beat the odds and made something of themselves. But for teenagers like me, with supportive adults around, people are amazed when I keep choosing the more destructive avenues and keep going down the wrong roads. No slack is cut for those of us who are supposed to know better.
So, what am I going to do about my friends? I just want to have people to hang around with who will accept me for who I am. I'm not sure I'd like it if I had friends who held me accountable for my choices in life.
I like to be able to do things and talk about others without anyone calling me on it. I like feeling free to express myself without fearing any consequences. I like knowing I don't have to stretch and become "all that I can be!" But I don't like all the fallout because of the people I hang with at times. I am not ready to change friends just yet, because that sounds way too difficult. I can't handle being alone because if I act lonely then people will think something is wrong with me.
So what will I do? Will I take the risk of trying to raise the bar for myself and venture out into a new social setting? What if I fall on my face? What if I can't find another group who will accept me? What if I am a loser and the friends I have chosen are as good as it gets?
* * *
- IT! (Private thoughts of the Indomitable Teen) is written by Cecilia Tucker under the editorial guidance of a panel of teenagers (in exchange for pizza and volunteer hours). Tucker is a licensed marriage and family therapist at the Counseling Center for New Direction in Seminole. Comments are welcome. You may write c/o: IT!, Xpress, the Times, P.O. Box 1121, St. Petersburg, FL 33731, or e-mail Floridian@sptimes.com. If you are interested in being on the teen editorial panel, please contact Cecilia Tucker at revcecilia@msn.com.
Here's the rest of today's Xpress
|
