Kayak trip becomes case study in rudeness

The little red sign along a pristine stretch of the Weeki Wachee River says it best:

"If you leave trash in this river, you should go home and slap your parents, because they raised an idiot."

I'd like to adapt that to other situations:

"If you talk during this theatrical production . . ."

"If you cut someone off in traffic . . ."

"If you butt in line at the grocery store . . ."

"If you empty your ash tray at the intersection . . ."

The possibilities are endless.

I have a feeling if people actually did slap their parents for their own bad behavior, there would be a lot of slapped parents. In truth, people learn most of their behavior from their parents, so there would be a lot of slapped grandparents and great-grandparents, too.

The recent study that said Americans are getting ruder by the minute is right on target. I'm not sure of the reasons, but I am sure that it's true. We all seem to live as though we'll never have to face the people we are rude to again, even if it's a next-door neighbor (fortunately, my own neighbors are angels).

A recent kayak trip down the Weeki Wachee looked like a case study.

The first few hours were sublime -- cool breezes, clear water, and courteous behavior from other canoers and kayakers. We stopped to watch a mother manatee and her two babies, and everyone who paddled by went out of their way to avoid touching or disturbing them.

About two-thirds through our trip, though, we heard what sounded like thunder. We turned a corner to see a young family of canoers scrambling to reach the bank of the river and safety. The thunder turned out to be a huge inboard/outboard boat growling up the narrow river, churning up mud, belching acrid smoke and creating a wake that would turn over almost any kayak or canoe along the way.

We yelled that manatees were ahead and to puh-leeese slow down. That seemed to goad the boater to speed up; he took a big swig from his canned beverage, gunned his engine and plowed ahead as we all struggled to stay afloat.

A few minutes later, we were scrambling again, as a monster pontoon boat driven by what appeared to be a preteenager plowed by. The rest of the trip was like an episode of Survivor.

At least we didn't encounter one of those Abominable Airboats.

Hernando County commissioners have considered limiting boat traffic in certain areas of the Weeki Wachee River, but, so far, have backed down when boat owners showed up and made almost as much noise as their boats do.

I fear that it's going to take a string of chopped-to-bits swimmers, canoers and kayakers to convince the county to do something about the rude doofuses who insist on taking their muscle boats up streams more suited to quiet and courteous canoers and kayakers.

Student's play wins statewide contest

Those of you who saw the drama 12 Angry Jurors by River Ridge High School students a few months ago might remember the intense young man who played Juror No. 8, the role of the doubting juror made famous by Henry Fonda in the 1957 movie version, 12 Angry Men.

The production itself was superb -- as good as any community theater and most professional productions I've ever seen. Each actor was truly marvelous and the directing outstanding.

But Juror No. 8, Daniel Caffrey, was especially effective: thoughtful, deliberate and convincing.

Now it seems Caffrey has another outstanding talent, that of writing plays.

His 30-minute drama, The Mine Field, has been chosen as one of three winners in the statewide Teen Playwright Contest held by the University of Florida. The winners were chosen from a field of 83 semifinalists by a panel of professional actors and directors chosen by UF, said Emily MacDonald, a graduate of Hofstra University who is apprenticing at the Hippodrome State Theatre. Other winners were from Ocala and Lake Mary.

Caffrey's play will be presented along with the other two winners' plays at the Teen Playwright Festival in Gainesville between noon and 3:30 p.m. on April 27 and 28 and sometime after 7:30 p.m. on April 29. It will be performed by UF and Sante Fe Community College students and people from the community.

Caffrey was encouraged to enter the highly competitive contest by his drama instructor at River Ridge, Tim Erickson. An earlier play written by Caffrey, Welcome to the Neighborhood, was a winner in a regional Thespian contest.

The Mine Field is about a spoiled infant who is allowed to run his family. The infant sits in a barbed-wire playpen with his stuffed animals. "There are land mines all around it to keep his parents in line," Caffrey said.

Caffrey said he got the idea from watching a young cousin rule the roost at his own home.

Caffrey has been in several plays at River Ridge and was voted Favorite Middle School Newcomer in 1996 by 90 of his fellow River Ridge actors. He's playing Mr. Beaver in today's productions of The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe at the Center for the Arts at River Ridge. (Performances are at 2 and 7 p.m.)

Now a senior with a 3.8 GPA, Caffrey plans to go to Florida State University, major in mass communications and eventually go into the film directing program, either as a junior or in graduate school.

His favorite play is Eugene O'Neill's tragedy The Iceman Cometh, heavy stuff indeed for a 17-year-old. His favorite musical is Andrew Lloyd Webber's Jesus Christ Superstar, because "it's such a cool concept -- the whole rock musical as a revolutionary way to tell the story."

A price for tickets to the Hippodrome productions hasn't been set yet, but reservations are highly recommended. Call (352) 373-5968 and talk with Sandra Dietel.

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