Opinion: In adoption case, put best interests of the child first

With all due respect to Mike Sandler and the St. Petersburg Times, we would like to clarify some things that were said in his article regarding our adoption as well as add some items that were left out.

1. A meeting was held at the Crenshaw County courthouse in Alabama shortly before the birth of Andrew in which both families were present. At this time, the Pickett family was told of the plans for an adoption and they neither made any objections nor did they offer support to the birth mother in any way. The paternity test and all of the legal petitions for custody were filed after the child was born. According to Alabama law, if the father of a child does nothing to support the birth mother emotionally or financially, for six months or more prior to the birth of that child, he has implied his consent and relinquished his parental rights. Two lower courts upheld this statute.

2. Fernando Pickett stopped having contact with Brandy Smith immediately after learning of her pregnancy in October, not after the pregnancy was made public. Mrs. Ruthel Pickett drove Brandy to two doctor visits only. The "open letter" referred to was not written until March 2000, eight months after Andrew's birth. When the Picketts came to the hospital to see the baby, they were told the baby was not available. They never made a second attempt.

3. The statement by attorney A. Wesley Pitters that "we called our attorney and asked that no more contact be made" is misleading. His request for a visit with Andrew did not come until April 24, 2000, (only four days prior to the trial court hearing set for April 28) and the "no contact" period was for those four days only. At the conclusion of the trial court hearing, we had agreed to whatever contact they desired. Monthly photos were sent up to Alabama to be available to both of the birth parents upon request. No requests were ever made to see the pictures or to set up any visit.

4. By Alabama law, Fernando himself is required to assume the responsibility of parenthood for his child. The trial court properly rejected the proposal of "parenthood by others" in which the natural parent plays a minor role. By law, a paternal grandmother has no legal right to custody.

We appreciate the time and effort that the Times put into this story. However, it seems to paint a picture of an adoption that was improperly initiated and "forced" upon the Pickett family against their will. Legally, by waiting until after the child was born to take any interest whatsoever, Fernando and his family put themselves into the position of forfeiting custody. The bottom line is that a birth father has a responsibility to a birth mother during her pregnancy and delivery. It is his responsibility and not his mother's or anyone else's. There is far more to being a parent than a physical act, and the best interest of the child by law is to be the primary concern.
-- Jim and Sandy Mills, Largo

Natural parents are preferable

Re: The past in his future, by Michael Sandler, April 7.

I read this story with great personal interest, and I agree with the court decision.

If a child has the opportunity to be with his biological family he should be. Adoption can be wonderful for children who have no one, but every child who has a natural parent who want him should be with that parent. Biological parents can teach these children their family history, and they can know their blood family firsthand. They don't have to grow up wondering why they were given away.

How dare Sandy Walker say, "The baby's best interest is with a mommy and daddy. He won't be at auntie's or grandmom's." There are so many single parents who love their children more than anything. You have a grandmother who wanted her grandson from the start and she was never even considered, and she is blood kin. Yet they gave this little boy to strangers of no relation at all.

This young man and his family want this child; he should have his son. This child is young, as he gets to know his natural daddy and family, he will be grateful he is with his biological family. I know if I had the choice to be with my natural dad or be with strangers who know nothing of my family roots, I would want to be with my birth family.

I hope this court stands by Fernando Pickett and that his son can go home to his family. I would hate to see another case like Baby Sam's.

Children should be with their natural parents whenever possible. Children are taken from abusive homes only to be returned to those same homes. Yet this family, which has done nothing wrong, have to fight in court after court for their own child. It's not right.
-- J. Reicherter, Clearwater

Millses are devoted parents

I was interested to read the Sunday article The past in his future, the account of Jim and Sandy Mills and Andrew, the little boy they adopted. I was not pleased to read the description of Jim Mills, depicting him as 50 years old and possibly not able to keep up with Andrew. Jim teaches elementary school and has taught three of our grandsons over the last 14 years. He continues to spend recess and after-school time playing football with the boys when he could be standing around talking and relaxing. He is well able to keep up, sportswise, physically with the kids and also is a great role model for the growing boys.

As for saying he is 5 feet 6 inches tall, since when is height a prerequisite for how well one fathers? Andrew has a loving home with two devoted parents, and that is what is important.
-- Jean Snyder, Floral City

Adoptive family seems best for child

Re: The past in his future, April 7.

There are many complex issues concerning the conception, prenatal care, birth and raising of Andrew Mills. These issues include the ability of the person who raises him to provide a decent and loving home for this child. From the beginning, Fernando Pickett (the biological father) denied to the high school vice principal that the child was his, and ignored the vice principal's advice that Fernando needed to "take responsibility."

With respect to the prospects Andrew would have in Crenshaw County, Ala., perhaps the words of the biological father's family's attorney offer the strongest argument for his continued adoption by the Millses and his being raised in Largo, or wherever the Millses may move. A. Wesley Pitters, the attorney for Fernando and his mother, is quoted in your article as saying: "This is the South and this girl committed the cardinal sin. This baby is a disgrace to the family, and it is not going to stay in Luverne and be raised by her. As long as it is here, it will be a permanent reminder."

What kind of future does it offer any child when the opposing attorney makes such a candid and realistic statement. Contrasted with the loving upbringing Andrew has been receiving for two years with the Millses, the choice as to which location and family are in his best interests seems obvious.

The story also said that around the time Andrew was born, Fernando was out impregnating another "girlfriend," who gave birth to his now 2-year-old daughter Alexus. Fernando is apparently now in Georgia "looking for work" and according to the article, Alexus' mother says that Fernando supports her, although he is no longer with her.

Obviously, Fernando must have skipped sex-ed classes or simply does not care about the results of his trysts. If he really cared, or had "learned his lesson," he would have married at least one of the mothers of his children.

Thank God for loving and caring people like the Millses. Long may Andrew reside with their happy family. And as for Fernando, someone needs to give him a good, long talking to about parental and other of life's responsibilities. As the Rev. Jesse Jackson might say, he is a disgrace, regardless of race.
-- Christopher Byrne, Tarpon Springs

An adoption system gone awry

Re: The past is his future.

Is it any wonder our adoption system is a failure in the United States and is it any wonder why so many couples go to Russia and China to adopt? This article should settle that question.

How dare the boy's biological father demand to get his son back after ignoring him for so long.

This all goes back to responsibility and accountability. Our society has got to stop this cult of victimology that pervades its very core.

Fernando Pickett and Brandy Smith made decisions years ago they have to live with now. It is too bad our court system continually works at undermining that fact.

Fernando Pickett has already proved the caliber of his own self: two illegitimate pregnancies, no job.

Yep, I can see it now. Andrew will have a really great life with a father like that.
-- Vilmar Tavares, Spring Hill

Gay adoption makes sense

Nationally there are more than 130,000 children awaiting adoption and in Florida, there are more than 3,400. In our state, the controversy continues regarding the rights and fitness of gays and lesbians to adopt children. Views and attitudes run the gamut -- from those who regard gay and lesbian adoption as "dangerous" and those who believe homosexuals lead "unstable lives" to those who acknowledge that gays and lesbians are able to provide loving, viable, healthy homes.

Misinformed attitudes about gay/lesbian adoption not only suggest the need for continued education regarding gays and lesbians, but also the need for the Legislature and members of our community to make children our priority.

Logically there are two points that beg to be made. First, there is no logic to a system that approves long-term gay and lesbian foster care yet prevents permanency for the child via legal adoptions. Second, the supremacy of heterosexual parenting is undermined by the fact that the vast majority of children in foster care were removed from heterosexual homes.

Family Service Centers Inc. has been dedicated to employing effective strategies to assist children and families for 63 years. Traditionally, we have embraced a leadership role in Pinellas County on issues that impact children, and we will continue to speak out and act in a manner that is congruent with our mission and reflects children as our priority. Children deserve a safe, stable, strong and nurturing family in which to grow up and thrive.

Family Service Centers Inc. supports gay/lesbian adoption because of the abundance of sustaining research. We support this because we are guided by our priority of doing what is right and good for children. Shuffling children among foster homes is not a preferable option to a loving, stable home. Sexual orientation is not a yardstick upon which to measure an individual's fitness to parent.
-- Dr. David Kirk, president and chief executive officer, Family Service Centers Inc., Clearwater

In search of that extra hour

Well, here we are again with Daylight Saving Time! There are still only 24 hours in a day. There is no "extra hour."

Children are walking to school buses in the dark, which is scary and dangerous. We here in Florida don't need the hot sun shining until 9 p.m. The birds are waiting another hour for light to start chirping. What have we gained?

"It's not nice to fool with Mother Nature."
-- Dorothy E. Karkheck, Palm Harbor

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