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© St. Petersburg Times, published April 28, 2002
CLEARWATER -- When James Tarrou goes for his morning walk and swim on Sand Key each day, he envisions the wide beach as the "desert of human affairs." And as he plods across the sand, his reflections always seem to drift back to one thing:
Michael.
Michael, his son.
Michael, who loved hanging out with his 11-year-old daughter and writing songs.
Michael, the easygoing guy who enjoyed a goofy joke and who would listen to anyone who wanted to talk about a problem.
Michael, the 38-year-old flight attendant on United Airlines Flight 175, the second plane that hijackers crashed into the World Trade Center on Sept. 11.
Like so many thousands of people across the country who lost someone they loved that day, James Tarrou and the rest of the family and friends of Michael Tarrou are still coping with the weight of their grief.
"It's like ground zero is in my heart now," said Tom Devine, a close friend of Tarrou since high school, who played and wrote music with him.
But at the same time, Tarrou's family and friends say, they feel joy for a wonderful life that touched many people.
"Mac always told the people he loved that he loved them," said Demetra Lumia, Tarrou's younger sister. "Nothing was ever left unsaid. If we could all learn to do that, the world would be a better place."
Michael Arden Christopher Tarrou -- nicknamed Mac by his family -- grew up in the small city of Wantagh on the south shore of Long Island in New York in the 1960s and 1970s.
He was an ordinary kid, the third of four children of James Tarrou, a high school history teacher and college professor who had immigrated to the United States from Cyprus when he was a teenager, and Patricia Peterson Tarrou, a housewife who was the rock of the family.
Young Mac was a Boy Scout and a Little Leaguer. As he got older, he played high school soccer and studied American combat karate, earning a purple belt. And he loved music.
His first high school band was called Blue Wind, after a song by rock guitarist Jeff Beck, said longtime friend Steve Feller, who was also in the band. Tarrou admired Jimi Hendrix, the Grateful Dead and John Lennon, Feller said. When Lennon was shot, Tarrou even sang several Lennon songs at a high school tribute.
"We were into having fun, going to rock concerts and going to the beach," said Feller, a home builder in Colorado. "You know, when people die, they always say, "Everybody liked that guy.' Well, everybody did like Mac."
Everyone says that Michael Tarrou was the kind of person who would stop what he was doing to talk to someone who had a problem, and for that reason, people often gravitated to him. He was often the glue that held a group of friends together. He wasn't afraid to make silly jokes. And he loved having deep conversations about life and spirituality. He had a strong faith in God, his friends and family say.
"We spent many hours talking about philosophy and ideas," said his dad, James Tarrou. "He was so very special to me."
After graduating from Wantagh High School in 1981, Tarrou received an associate degree from Nassau Community College in New York, but he wasn't sure what he wanted to do.
His parents purchased a home in Clearwater's Windsor Park neighborhood in 1986. Tarrou decided to move to Florida, live in the house and train to become an air conditioning repairman at Pinellas Technical Education Centers.
It was in Florida that he met a waitress named Jill Sagers. The couple married in 1989 in a Christmas-themed wedding ceremony at Bon Appetit in Dunedin. Two years later, they had a daughter, Gina, whom everyone says was the pride of Michael Tarrou's life.
Around that time, Tarrou heard that United Airlines was hiring flight attendants. On a whim, he went for an interview and immediately got an offer. Tarrou decided to take the job in 1991.
"He was good at it," said his ex-wife, Jill. "He had that type of personality."
Besides that, the career gave him plenty of time off to play music and hang out with his daughter, his family says.
Tarrou was based in Boston, so the young couple and their daughter eventually moved to Stafford Springs, Conn. But the marriage didn't work out, and they divorced in 1998. Despite the separation, the couple remained close friends who worked together to raise their daughter.
Tarrou helped them move back to Florida last fall, so that Jill and Gina could be closer to family in the Tampa Bay area.
Back in Connecticut, meanwhile, he had a new love, a smiling, 29-year-old fellow flight attendant with chin-length blond hair named Amy King.
"She was as special in her way as he was. Everything was positive. Everything was up," said Patricia Tarrou, who wears a gold pendant with the couple's picture on it.
The pair of flight attendants worked together. There was talk of marriage, but as of last fall, still no ring. There was also talk of moving back to Florida.
On Sept. 10, Michael Tarrou called his little sister, Demetra Lumia. He seemed melancholy.
"He was missing his family and wanting to be here with all of us," she said. "But he said, "We're coming to Florida real soon.' I don't want to be away from Gina and everybody anymore."
The conversation ended with Tarrou saying, "Please make sure to give mom and dad a hug for me," and then: "I love you."
On Sept. 11, many of Michael Tarrou's friends and family members were watching television when a United aircraft struck the World Trade Center.
Tarrou's mom and other family members say they knew in their hearts it was the plane Tarrou and King were working on that day.
Jill Tarrou, who was working as a dental assistant, went to Carwise Middle School to collect Gina and headed to a friend's house to wait for word about Michael. She tried to prepare her daughter for the worst in the car on the way there.
As soon as they arrived, the phone rang. It was her sister with the news. The plane that crashed was United Flight 175, Tarrou's plane.
"Gina asked me if it was Daddy's plane, and I had to tell her, "Yes,' " she said.
After that, there was a lot of crying.
Twelve of Michael's longtime friends drove from all over the country to Clearwater to be with his parents for the memorial service. Some of them had lived with the Tarrou family at times in their lives and loved Michael like a brother.
Seven months later, there is still a lot of crying, and also anger at the terrorists and at lax security that made Sept. 11 possible. There are constant reminders of the loss.
"We can't even turn on a comedy and they mention it. When you see it over and over, it's hard to move beyond it," said Patricia Tarrou. "And it wasn't an accident. It was murder by people who had no respect for life."
Still, Tarrou's family and friends have found some solace. They have Mac's rock music to listen to, on three compact discs he had recorded in recent years in his home studio. Tarrou played guitar and bass, and he sang -- and often persuaded a friend or family member to join in.
"He definitely got a spiritual value from music," said Devine, the longtime friend who lives in California. "It was a way of expressing what was in his heart."
Attending memorials here and around the country also has helped Tarrou's loved ones grieve. There were two services at the Helenic Orthodox Traditionalist Church in Clearwater, plus a less formal memorial at Demetra Lumia's house last fall. At Carwise Middle School, classmates held a ceremony and planted a tree in honor of 11-year-old Gina Tarrou's father.
"That day she decided she was going to stay and go to class," Jill Tarrou said. "They might as well have put her up on their shoulders and carried her away. I just felt good that day, and I felt she was going to be okay."
Tarrou's parents attended a memorial in Boston, home base for the flight attendants on doomed Flight 175, and heard Bette Midler sing Wind Beneath My Wings. They participated in the Flag Across America walk, in which people helped carry an American flag from New York to Los Angeles. Recently, they were invited to ride in a Greek Independence Day parade in Boston, representing victims of the Sept. 11 attacks.
And today, the family will attend a dedication ceremony for a small monument in their Windsor Park neighborhood.
"Mac is a part of American history now, with all its conflicts between the emotions of hatred and love," said James Tarrou.
The Tarrous have also found comfort in dozens of letters and small gifts from all over the country that have poured into their home.
Condolences have arrived from President Bush and the major leaders of Congress, as well as from Connecticut's governor, Cyprus government officials and the archbishops of the Greek Orthodox Church in Cyprus and in North America.
The AFL-CIO's Association of Flight Attendants gave the family a small glass monument. A Northeastern elementary school sent a small teddy bear. And at least $10,000 has arrived in donations for a college scholarship fund for Gina.
United Airlines gave the family a black leather book with "Michael C. Tarrou" in square gold letters on its cover. The book had been placed at a United facility for flight attendants in Boston where it was signed by many.
"Dear Gina, your dad was a wonderful man, and he loved you very much," wrote one friend, addressing Tarrou's daughter.
"I can't stop thinking about your goofy jokes in the back galley on our transcon flights! You still have us laughing! Your kindness, generosity & beauty will not be forgotten," another person wrote.
And then, there were notes like this:
"Dear Michael -- During our many deep conversations, you made me realize how important family is and how much more important it is to express it. I'll never forget how you kept on me to tell my dad that I loved him, because we never said that to each other throughout my lifetime. I finally broke down after one of our trips together and called my dad to tell him I love him. It was one of the few times in my life that I heard my dad cry. My relationship with my father has blossomed since and I owe it all to you."