Humor by Carey, Rumsfeld

Funnyman Drew Carey tried out some new material Friday night during an unscheduled performance at the D.C. Improv Club. It was a practice run for Saturday night's White House Correspondents' Dinner, where Carey was to perform for President Bush.

Carey confessed he was nervous about following Bush to the podium. He nevertheless took the opportunity to make fun of the president. He compared Bush to heavy metal rocker Ozzy Osbourne, who stars in a reality family drama on MTV.

Like Osbourne, Cary said, Bush was a wild young adult, is a father, sometimes says things that nobody understands and never does anything without asking his wife.

Carey also criticized airport security. He confessed he had never told the truth at the ticket counter when they asked him if he packed his bags himself, or if he had kept his bag in his own possession.

"I'm rich," he said. "My assistant packs my bag, and the limo driver takes care of it."

Rumsfeld funny, even on paper

Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld has gotten considerable attention for his amusing zingers at Pentagon news briefings. Now we know his choice of words is every bit as funny when he sits down to write.

In the latest issue of the magazine Foreign Affairs, Rumsfeld writes about the transformation of the military. He refers to one of the early battles in Afghanistan to make his point.

It happens that one of the Afghan fighters involved on the American side at Mazar-e-Sharif had only one leg. So Rumsfeld writes:

"What won the battle for Mazar-e-Sharif -- and set in motion the Taliban's fall from power -- was a combination of the ingenuity of the U.S. special forces; the most advanced, precision-guided munitions in the U.S. arsenal, delivered by U.S. Navy, Air Force, and Marine Corps crews; and the courage of valiant, one-legged Afghan fighters on horseback."

Sen. Gramm's wife will not testify

One board member of bankrupt Enron will not have to testify under subpoena this week before a Senate subcommittee. Wendy Gramm, wife of Sen. Phil Gramm, R-Texas, has been excused from the ordeal, Roll Call newspaper reports.

The hearing, slated for Tuesday, will examine what contacts directors of the collapsed energy trading company had with members of the Clinton and Bush administrations.

Gramm, chairwoman of the Commodities Futures Trading Commission in the early 1990s, helped write rules that kept Enron lightly regulated. A decade later, Enron became the nation's largest corporate bankruptcy, wiping out hundreds of millions of dollars in gains for investors and Enron employee retirement funds.

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