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Child or young adult? I am both
By CECILIA A. TUCKER
© St. Petersburg Times
published May 6, 2002
Second of two parts
Confused? Yes! Am I still a little kid who needs to be told what to do, how to think and what to feel, or am I becoming a young adult? I am not sure I want to grow up, but I know I don't want adults to tell me what to do all my life. How do I let go of my childhood, and how will the adults in my life help me grow up without putting me down when I do revert back to my immature and childish ways?
If I am honest with myself, I am still a child at times (not a kid, though). Maybe this is not all bad. I never want to lose my spontaneity, creativity, humor, spirit and wonder. I fear that becoming an adult means my life will be boring, hard, no fun and unhappy. I find myself wanting to grow up but not knowing how to take the fun in me into the grownup world. I see way too many adults just miserably going from one day to the next, hating what they do, not changing what's already been decided and just existing. If this is what growing up is about, no wonder I want to stay a child.
Then how do I go from being a child to a young adult? It does seem that just about the time I am feeling more confident with my choices, I either mess up big time, or someone tells me the direction I am heading is wrong. What does this do to me? Well, first I just want to give up. I tell myself what an idiot I am and that I will never be able to do it right. Then I proceed to berate myself, especially when the adults in my life spend what feels like hours telling me what a stupid decision I have made (as if I can't figure that out on my own). After everyone, including me, is finished with me, I retreat, rebel or just relinquish control to whomever. After a while, I will try again.
I think I would do better when I mess up if everyone, including me, would cut me some slack. Without demeaning me, walk me through (in five minutes or less) what I could have done that would have produced a different outcome. I think I need to hear from others that making a mistake that produces a negative outcome is not the end of the world, most of the time.
I think it would help me if people told me they still believed in me and they are confident I can get through this situation. I am sure I would benefit when I mess up hearing someone remind me of my successes, so I can see I do have the ability to succeed. I usually do know when I screw up. Going through all the steps of my mistake doesn't seem to help me; I just feel more stupid. But maybe we could walk through the next challenge I encounter, not with you telling me what to do but helping me see the possible outcomes before I act.
Maybe there still will be times I need reassurance. When I do, I wish you wouldn't call me a kid. Adults need reassurance too, you know. When I am feeling and acting like a child, don't make fun of me and call me names. I must be feeling insecure about something, or I wouldn't be acting this way. Help me put words to my childish behavior and give me time to sort out why I am feeling this way.
I want to grow up, but I really don't want to do it all by myself.
I hope I always keep my childlike spirit, and I hope I will be the kind of adult who can always laugh and enjoy life. Show me more of that part of you, and maybe I won't be so afraid to grow up.
- IT! (Private thoughts of the Indomitable Teen) is written by Cecilia Tucker under the editorial guidance of a panel of teenagers (in exchange for pizza and volunteer hours). Tucker is a licensed marriage and family therapist at the Counseling Center for New Direction in Seminole. Comments are welcome. You may write c/o: IT!, Xpress, the Times, P.O. Box 1121, St. Petersburg, FL 33731, or e-mail Floridian@sptimes.com. If you are interested in being on the teen editorial panel, please contact Cecilia Tucker at revcecilia@msn.com.
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