Word For Word: Martha in trouble: It's a fun thing

Martha Stewart

Everybody has an opinion about Martha Stewart, but investors in her Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia empire are taking her recent insider-trading troubles especially personally. She's accused of dumping 2,000 shares of IMClone Systems stock after learning that federal regulators were about to reject the company's new cancer drug. It saved her about $50,000, but it could end up costing her investors much more if her stock continues to tank. On the Yahoo! investors Web site associated with her company, a few feel Stewart's pain. But most dice her into onion cubes. Here are some excerpts:

John Barry, Floridian deputy editor

Love or hate her she has a real business behind her. The market's completely over reacting, mixing up disgust for Martha Stewart the person with Martha Stewart the brand. The SEC is on a witchhunt and she is being dragged through the mud. It's only two thousand shares. Compare what she did with what Linda Wachner, former CEO of warnaco did, and you will think Martha is Mother Theresa. Wachner raped and pillaged soley from cash flow, never made a profit and destroyed people in her wake. Where's the SEC on this one?

2000 shares? The amount doesn't matter . . . It's illegal, even if it's 100 shares. The SEC never distinguished between amounts of shares that were, or are traded illegally.

For someone of her net worth to take that risk (and she knew, she used to be a licensed broker) over a possible $50K loss is hard to comprehend. Lets assume she is worth $500 million. $50,000 is about 1/10,000th of her net worth. At 10% interest, she would make over $135,000 EVERY DAY, so she could lose $50,000 and still net $85,000! Or, she could retire, put all her money in the closet, with no interest, and spend $50,000 EVERY DAY for 30 years! So, for all purposes, she is going to lose a sizable chunk of her fortune over less than half a days income! And that doesn't even take into account her ongoing profits from other ventures! This is like an average guy making $50K losing everything over $30! I have no mercy for this lady if the accusations are true. If not, she is getting screwed because her name is toast.

What is dumbfounding is the fact that some people think this incident is an isolated one and they want Martha's head on a platter. Isn't it enough that she is taking the heat for every broker, analyst, CEO and politician who have done the same. Insider info has been passed around for years to the upper class network, most haven ever been caught. Martha and her cohorts got too bold and ego drenched. Don't think it's going to change the way companies do business, they will just fine tune their activity so as not to leave any incriminating splats on the wall.

This just in . . . Female ex-pro wrestler and rodeo circuit doyenne Large Marge to be Martha's prison cellmate. it's almost 4th of July boys . . . let the fireworks begin!!!

Martha Stewart's new product release: Custom crying towels!

Are you tired of the the way handcuffs feel cold and tight against your skin? Could they be any more uncomfortable pressed up against the hot vinyl back seat of a police car? Well, fret not, because Martha Stewart has the solution! Our line of functional yet elegant Handcuff Cozies are the perfect gift for the insider trader in your family! One size fits all, available in solid print and florals, only $29.99.

Tomorrow's to-do list:

1. call Michael Milken and Ivan Boesky, get tips on what to pack

2. call Hillary Clinton, see if Bill is still able to pardon criminals, such as he did with Marc Rich and various drug dealers

3. send hash brownies to Attorney General

4. make discreet cash offer to broker and sales assistant in return for corroborative testimony

5. send exploding cake to Letterman and Leno

Martha is not insider. She just a regular shareholder and had no obligation to keep her shares. She heard that inclone will go down. What would you do? People who did not keep this info should be punished, but not who got this info. She did not obtain it illegal way. And if she shared it with someone else she is not obligated to keep it secret -- she is not an insider (period). The media is killing American market.

If she did it, she needs to be prosecuted and made an example of. Arent we all sick of all the corruption in todays companies? With Enron, Anderson, Adelphia, Quest and all the other low lifes who think they can get away with stealing or ripping off the shareholders. I blame OJ Simpson!

Martha is not an insider and if she hears something, she has every right to act on it. The finger will be pointed at the broker, if they can find the evidence. They may not. The real culprit is already in handcuffs. I don't think Martha is going to serve any time. But she is stained forever.

Martha is so lucky. First, she has the perfect taste to wear those great thick baggy sweaters all the time while peaking out from under her bleached shaggy dog hairdo, lecturing us with her oh so soothing whiskey/tobacco baritone voice while grinning her oh so genuine smile, entrancing us with her superior attitude of "I can do this so very easily, why can't you?". Now she insider trades and proves we can't believe anything she says. What's not to like?

Make her pay a $10,000,000 fine and sentence her to watch Beverly HillBillies reruns for 2 years.

POOR MARTHA. THE LIBERAL FEMINISTS WILL TEAR YOU APART. THEY RATHER KILL BABIES THAN COOK AND PLAY AROUND THE HOUSE.

Martha is going to hell. But it will be a "special" kind of hell, reserved seating, views of the fire pit, and high-quality brimstone. Not for the "little people."

If the oven mitt don't fit, you must acquit.

- Word for Word is an occasional feature excerpting passages of interest from books, magazines, Web sites and other sources. The text may be edited for space but the original spelling, grammar and punctuation are unchanged.

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