Side show

A NEW SMELL HAS COME: Not content with assaulting just our ears, Celine Dion has signed with Coty to develop a line of fragrances.

Dion has missed her biggest marketing opportunity ("Feel the cold ocean water envelope your skin . . . Smell the crisp night air mingling with the woodsy pine of your lifeboat . . . Titanic, by Celine Dion, for Coty"). Still, she's got a few angles left to exploit when it comes to concepts: Bombast, Yelp, Overwrought, Vega$!, The Gambler, Retiring -- For Now, I Married My Manager Who's Old Enough to be My Father, You'll Hear From My Lawyer (she likes to send her legal team after writers of things she doesn't like).

Coty likes Dion because she is "truly a symbol of the modern woman," a press release says. Many of us will be scratching our heads over that assumption.

DOLLY WANTS BACK WHERE SHE BELONGS: Dolly Parton, who has one of the most healthy outlooks on life in and out of entertainment, is fuming about some fake nude photographs of her that have been posted on the Internet. She tells the Swedish newspaper Aftonbladet, "They set my head on girls that don't have anywhere near as nice breasts as I have."

FOUR DAYS UNTIL ANNA NICOLE: Sunday's debut of the E! network's Osbournes-like chronicle of Anna Nicole Smith could be one of the highest-rated shows in cable TV history just because people have to stop and gape at a train wreck. This show, however, is shaping up to be the wreck of a train carrying nuclear waste through New York City.

E! already has been criticized for taking advantage of someone who doesn't come across as terribly bright or media savvy. The network has defended itself, but it may be taking a few precautions for the future, according to the San Francisco Chronicle.

Smith was in Las Vegas last weekend, with cameras in tow, but a planned segment at her hotel's buffet was canceled so the Rubenesque former Playboy model-millionaire widow wouldn't seem to be overindulging, the newspaper says. Smith went to see the Chippendales instead.

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