Ah, politics: where all things good are scorned

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© St. Petersburg Times
published August 9, 2002

This is the level of our politics. I am in receipt of a protest from the Republican Party of Florida because I praised our new secretary of state -- a Republican -- for common sense and compromise.

As you will recall, somehow Florida had produced a ballot for the Sept. 10 primary that listed the three Democratic candidates for governor. The ballot idiotically instructed voters to "vote for one pair," referring to as-yet-unchosen running mates.

Jim Smith, brand-new in office, called in Democrats, reached a compromise and solved the crisis without a lawsuit.

Good government, right? The way that all of us wish the Democrats and Republicans would cooperate to solve problems?

No, apparently not.

The Republicans now seek to "clarify" this incident, that is, to undercut this show of weakness by Smith. The revised story is that the Democrats are still idiots. The Republicans just deigned to take pity on them.

(You must understand that the Democrats are every bit as spiteful as this. But more about them in a minute.)

So that it cannot be said I am taking this out of context, here is the full communique from Towson Fraser, communications director for the Republican Party of Florida:

Just wanted to clarify something that has not, as yet, made it into any of the stories I have seen regarding the "vote for one pair" language.

The administrative rule describing the ballots was originally published on Dec. 14, 2001, and there have been numerous public hearings and chances for review and input since then. The Democrats either attended the hearings, reviewed the language and thought it was OK, or just ignored it until the very last minute -- thus turning what should have been a simple objection months ago into a last-second crisis.

One would think that, after the ballot problems a Democrat Supervisor of Elections caused them in Palm Beach County last time, the Democrats would be paying a little closer attention to ballot format. Maybe this time they've finally learned their lesson.

Ho ho! Clever stuff! Though everybody just saw the actual ballot, it is still those dumb Democrats' fault! It is doubly the Democrats' fault because -- yeah, that's it -- because they failed to warn the last secretary of state, Katherine Harris, not to screw it up! By the way, have we mentioned 2000 lately?

I guess what really griped me about this ungracious message was that it came immediately on the heels of a practical ending brought about by a practical Republican. It is exactly that cooperation with Democrats that the party spokesman felt the need to "clarify."

I like a lively and even sarcastic banter about issues. But this goes past that. About every day I get a press release from one of the parties calling the other one evil. (Democrat slate tainted top to bottom. Candidates face questions of legality and ethics.)

The Democrats, in turn, tell me that Gov. Jeb Bush is not merely wrong, but immoral. He hates little kids and wants to hurt them. He steals elections. He has secret agendas. He kills manatees. The slimiest so far, from Democratic communications director Ryan Banfill, blames Bush for West Nile disease, killing mosquito control to pay for a tax cut for his rich buddies.

Listen, you children: Nobody believes you.

Neither one of you ever wins an election because the swing voters like you. You win an election because the swing voters can barely stand your guy more than the other one.

All you are doing, all you have done for years, is &^#% in your own pool. The water is long since foul. You have told everybody for decades how much the other side is criminal, stupid and unable to govern.

What would happen if everybody used your bitter, cynical, destructive strategy? If toothpaste makers accused each other of making poison? If, for the past 75 years, we had been bombarded with advertising claiming that the rival's automobile was deadly, soft drinks were made from bugs, that everything, every product of human enterprise or endeavor, was in truth only a pile of dung?

It took 500 years for the Romans to grow cynical enough about their great Republic to throw it away with a shrug. On the other hand, they didn't have e-mail.

-- You can reach Howard Troxler at (727) 893-8505 or at troxler@sptimes.com.

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