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Just be yourself
You're back in school. Prospective new friends are all around you. Get to know them.
By MANDI-LOU SCHANTZ FELD
© St. Petersburg Times
published August 12, 2002
By now the shelves of school supplies have been picked clean, and most of you are putting that new notebook and pen to use. You're well into worrying about class schedules, math problems, English papers and the scary cafeteria food.
But returning to class after summer vacation is also about scarier challenges: making friends, and juggling academics and a social life.
[Times art: Mike Sudal]
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Before my first day of high school last year, I was worried that I wouldn't make friends, that I would be doomed to sit behind a Dumpster like in the movie Clueless. But once I got there, my perceptions changed. The people were outgoing, and making friends wasn't that difficult.
"Breaking the ice" and making friends is an art. There is no way to know why you bond with some people and not with others. Listen to these stories from the trenches:
"I went up to people I didn't know and tried to make a conversation, find out if we have anything in common, see if we could get along and be friends," says Lindsay Sweet, 17, a senior at Northeast High School in St. Petersburg. "I just talked to the people (who) sat next to me in class," says Grady Denton, 16, a junior at Indian Rocks Christian School.
"Just be yourself," says Eric Russo, 15, a junior at Seminole High School.
Many people think that if you put on a facade, you will make friends more quickly. Being yourself may seem difficult, but if you show your true personality, you usually will find people who are compatible and you can have fun with. Some people find inventive ways to show their true colors.
"When you have blue hair, people seem to just want to know you, so they ask about that, and that gets a conversation started," says Justin , 17, a senior at Boca Ciega High School in St. Petersburg. His hair is a dark shade of blue.
People are intrigued by others' differences, and when they embrace those differences, it can be the key to new friendships.
"The best thing about high school is the diversity of the students from all backgrounds, life experiences, ethnic beliefs and religions," says Ramim Islam, 15, a sophomore in the International Baccalaureate program at St. Petersburg High School.
I always thought that being in the most popular crowd was a major concern of most teenagers until I started writing this story. "No, (popularity) doesn't matter to me," Russo says.
Being "popular" can sometimes put you at odds with who you really are. "I think if popularity is the way you want to go, then you can't really act like yourself because everyone wants you to act a little different. You can't possibly please everyone," says Jacob Speakman, 17, a senior at Keswick Christian School."I think that you should live your own life, trying to stay close to a couple of people rather than trying to please everyone all of the time."
Some teenagers are too worried about what popular means. "Being popular is overrated," Sweet says. "Being popular is just having people like you for who you are, and if you have your group of friends and they like you for you, then you are popular to them. It's not a competition; it's just about being yourself."
People generally agreed that popularity doesn't matter as much as it is portrayed in the movies and on television shows. In movies and on TV, school often is depicted as cliques of people running around in empty hallways trying to be popular and hardly doing work.
Reality is not like that. School is hard work, and occasionally the hallways have traffic jams. But most important in real life is that popularity isn't all students think about.
If you are your own person, people will respect and admire that. Just be yourself.
"For anyone who's panicking about high school, don't. There's nothing to be worried about," Islam says. "Just relax and be yourself and take it one step at a time, and maybe do some schoolwork while you're at it. High school is some of the best times you're going to have in your life, so just have fun."
-- Mandi-Lou Schantz Feld, 15, is in 10th grade in St. Petersburg High School's IB program.
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