Marchers mark 2 years since boy disappeared

For the first time since Zach Bernhardt vanished one morning without a trace, his mother returns to talk about life without her son.

By CHRIS TISCH, Times Staff Writer
© St. Petersburg Times
published September 5, 2002

CLEARWATER -- After her 8-year-old son vanished from her apartment two years ago, Leah Hackett went into hiding.

Her family wanted to protect her from a suspicious media. She wanted media reports of her son's disappearance to focus on her son, not on her.

She tried to work in her hometown of Zephyrhills but cringed when people recognized her from television reports. Or worse, suggested she killed her son.

So Hackett moved to North Carolina. She married, separated and married again. She hit bottom and thought of suicide. Eventually, she cobbled together a life, though one scarred by her missing son, Zach Bernhardt.

On Wednesday, Hackett -- who now has the last name Hanson -- returned to Clearwater and spoke publicly about her son for the first time since September 2000, when he disappeared.

The occasion was a walk, sponsored by a Tampa missing children's group, designed to increase awareness of missing children's issues. The route took walkers past the Savannah Trace apartments on Drew Street where Zach was last seen.

"My family wanted to protect me," said Hanson, 31, on Wednesday. "I was going through so much. I was a basket case. I couldn't function. When Zach disappeared, I lost myself. I don't know who I am without Zach."

Hanson and the rest of Zach's family say he was snatched from the apartment at 2690 Drew St. Clearwater police have said they found no evidence of a crime and do not know what happened to the boy, who now would be 10 years old.

Hanson and her family say they toggle between believing Zach is alive or dead. Hanson talks of him in present and past tense.

"After a while, you have to give up hope or wait for them to get home," Hanson said. "I never gave up hope that Zach would come home. But I did give up hope that I could wait for him."

Hanson said Zach was sleeping in her bed when she left her apartment early on the morning of Sept. 11, 2000, for a 15-minute walk. She came back, showered and went to her bedroom to change.

When she looked over, she said, she noticed her son was gone. She thought he had fallen off the bed to the other side, so she looked there. No Zach.

She looked in every room. No Zach. She climbed into her car to look for him but instead ran to a neighbor, who joined the search. She dialed 911 and began looking for photos for the police, she said.

Later, after days of fruitless searches, police said they didn't think they had the whole story from her.

Hanson says she's not sure what the police meant, other than perhaps she can't remember an important detail. Hanson says she is not intentionally withholding anything. She denies having anything to do with her son's disappearance.

"Everything, I told the police," she said.

Hanson declined to say where she walked that morning because she doesn't think the police want her to. Hanson says she is a night owl who often took strolls to walk the dog or take out the garbage.

She thinks a man had been watching her. When she left that morning, she thinks he acted. He wrapped the 60-pound Zach, a heavy sleeper, in a blanket and was out in a minute, she believes.

After the disappearance, Hanson took some heat from the media for her parenting practices. Though she has some difficulties in her history, Hanson said she was a good mom.

Hanson said the doubts about her parenting skills stung, as did the fingers pointed at her.

Now Hanson says she wants to speak out for her son, no matter the cost to her.

"If you want to find out that I picked my nose in the third grade, fine," Hanson said. "As long as Zach's picture is put out there, that's okay."

She doesn't like being judged or told she buried her son somewhere just because she handled the disappearance a certain way.

"I do something every day for him," she said. "I just don't think you have to do it in front of millions of people to make it count."

Hanson said she used to frequently call detectives, then didn't call for five months while she tried to get her head together. She checked progress through her family. She now calls the detectives, Steve Bohling and Joe Egger, once a month.

She said the police have not been accusatory with her, though they have asked some tough questions.

"I always feel Steve and Joe are looking out for Zach's best interest, and they have asked tough questions," Hanson said. "It hurts. It hurts more than you can understand. But they have to do it.

"I'm pleased that they are dedicated to finding my son. I'm not pleased that my son is not with me. They are dedicated men who want to find my son. I would even say they love my son."

Hanson said Egger and Bohling visited her in North Carolina on Zach's birthday in December. They updated her on the case and asked her some questions, she said.

Hanson said she took a polygraph in the beginning of the investigation. She doesn't remember what questions were asked and never learned the results.

Since moving to North Carolina, Hanson married twice. Her current husband is a 23-year-old military man, now overseas, who reminds her of Zach. She doesn't know if she will have more children.

"I don't want to risk ever walking into a room and seeing an empty bed," she said.

Hanson has been living with friend Beth Moore. She found Hanson on the bathroom floor of their gym one day. Moore asked her what was wrong. Hanson told Moore her son was dead, but Moore said she sensed it was something else and learned of the abduction theory.

Moore, who has three children, including a boy who is just a month older than Zach would be today, invited Hanson to live in her spare room.

Moore's 4-year-old daughter has seen so many photos of Zach that she makes up memories of playing with him. Moore's 10-year-old son, Michael, "is my window to what Zach is right now," she said.

Hanson wears -- and never takes off -- two silver rings that Zach bought for her. She also wears a multicolored bead necklace he made.

Every Sunday she stays up until 4 a.m., the time Zach vanished, and tries to think of him but not of the circumstances of that night.

Walking past Savannah Trace on Wednesday brought mixed emotions. She shed tears when she lay roses on a nearby wall.

"I have memories from here that are awesome, and then the worst time of my life," she said.

The walk was organized by Child Protection Education of America, a Tampa group founded by family members of Dorothy Scofield, who disappeared from an Ocala shopping center in 1976.

Walkers began Wednesday morning in Tampa, then walked in Brandon and Zephyrhills before coming to Clearwater, where the group started at Cliff Stephens Park and walked to Savannah Trace.

They will walk in other Florida cities before winding up Monday in Tallahassee for Florida Missing Children Day.

Hanson said some people have offered to pray for her. She has another suggestion.

"I'm right here. Don't waste a single prayer on me. Pray for Zach."

-- Chris Tisch can be reached at 445-4156 or tisch@sptimes.com.

Where to call

If you have information about the Sept. 11, 2000, disappearance of Zach Bernhardt, call Clearwater police at 562-4422.

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