Side show

IF ONLY THEY COULD STAY AWAY: Need evidence that a celebrity version of Survivor would be as bad as you fear? And that it would be a huge success for CBS?

Here you go:

The world's first celebrity Survivor was aired in Britain during the past two weeks, with eight Z-list celebs put in the Australian Outback. The only one of the group that the average American might recognize is spoon-bending psychic and Michael Jackson pal Uri Geller.

Geller was the first person voted out by TV viewers, who ejected participants by phone vote until declaring a 59-year-old disc jockey the winner Sunday night. The runner-up was a 31-year-old socialite with royal ties best known for partying, drug problems and rehab.

Temper tantrums and bickering were common among the group, according to British news reports. The socialite tried to escape and was involved in a flirtation with a male singer, who after being voted out said bitterly, "I can't really see a chance of (she) and I talking again."

Needless to say, the show was Britain's TV hit of the summer, drawing up to 10.5-million viewers an episode. (This in a nation of about 60-million people.) It had better ratings than the regular British Survivor, the BBC says, but couldn't match the popularity of last year's -- brace yourself -- Celebrity Big Brother.

YOU'LL YEARN FOR THE DAYS OF BOSTON ROB: By the time CBS gets around to airing a celebrity Survivor, it may be hard to find a Z-list celeb who hasn't already had their own reality show.

But because there's always a Z-list celeb willing to do anything to get in front of a camera, Sideshow thinks these seven will be ripe for time in the Outback:

EJay Day, the first singer tossed out of American Idol's final 10; Anna Nicole Smith; David Schwimmer, who will be desperate for work with Friends long off the air; one of the Brady Bunch boys; one of the Facts of Life girls; either Avril Lavigne, Vanessa Carlton, Michelle Branch or Sheryl Crow; and Rikki Lake.

For the eighth slot, we suggest paying actor-comedian John Leguizamo (Toulouse Lautrec in Moulin Rouge) as much money as he wants to mercilessly torture the other seven.

IMCLONE VS. MARTHA CLONES: A large chunk of the Martha Stewart faithful aren't having trouble separating stock trouble from Halloween-party-planning trouble.

Stewart's company tells USA Today that her online and catalog sales are still strong. Her magazine, circulation 2.3-million, reports 12 percent more ad pages for this month's issue than a year ago. Kmart says thousands of her products continue to sell. And her book publisher, Random House/Clarkson Potter, says sales are steady and it is releasing four more titles in the next year. (Jailhouse Living? Or Parties for Pardons and Other Special Occasions?)

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