Crossing the line from discipline to child abuse

Spanking and slapping are usually seen as discipline by the law, but contact rises to abuse with intent to harm.

[AP photo] Madelyne Gorman Toogood, 25, was taped beating her 4-year-old daughter in an Indiana parking lot.

By LANE DeGREGORY
© St. Petersburg Times
published September 25, 2002

When a parent strikes a child, there's a fine line between discipline and abuse.

People have varying ideas about what's acceptable. But everyone knows abuse when they see it.

And last week, on televisions across the country, everyone saw it.

"Oh, they should put that woman in jail. Or at least get her some real hard-core therapy," William Rodriguez said Tuesday afternoon. Rodriguez, 20, was walking his 10-month-old son Nathaniel around Ed Wright Park in Clearwater.

Like the rest of America, he had seen the video of the Indiana mother hitting her 4-year-old daughter in the backseat of a sports utility vehicle. The mother, 25-year-old Madelyne Gorman Toogood, turned herself in to police Sunday -- nine days after a department store video camera recorded the incident. She said she made a mistake. She faces six months to three years in prison.

"No matter what her daughter had done, no one should hit a kid like that," Rodriguez said, shaking his head. "Maybe a smack on the hand. But that's it. If I saw someone doing that to their kid, I'd have to try to stop them. If I couldn't, I'd call the police."

We've all been there: You see a stressed-out mom in a supermarket, screaming at her child. You see a dad dragging a child by his arm across the parking lot. You watch a parent losing control of their child -- and themselves.

But when does discipline turn into abuse?

And when should strangers step in?

"It's not always easy to determine," St. Petersburg police Sgt. Joanne Lindsay said.

St. Petersburg police investigate an average of five cases a day involving parents who strike their children. In Florida, parents are allowed to use corporal punishment on their kids. But the degree of physical contact is limited.

"If I slapped another adult across the face, I'd be charged with a simple battery," Lindsay said. "But there isn't a simple battery for parents against their kids."

Legally, there's no middle ground. In investigations, striking a kid is considered either felony child abuse or dismissed as "excessive discipline," which may not be right, but is not a crime.

So where do police officers draw the line?

Spanking a child on the buttocks? Discipline, Lindsay said.

[Times photo: Carrie Pratt] "I haven't had to spank either one of them yet. They know the tone of my voice, and they'll stop if they hear me getting upset," says Kim Enzor, 35, of Clearwater of her daughter, Hannah, 16 months, and nephew Brandon Wynn, almost 2. "I know they're both still little. But hopefully, that will continue."

Slapping a mouthy teenager across the face? That's a form of discipline too, she said. "As long as the hand is open, the smack only comes once, and the action clearly is not intended to injure the child."

Hitting a child with a fist is almost always illegal. "That shows more of an intent to injure," St. Petersburg police Detective Peter Venero said. "We look for malicious intent and, of course, for injuries."

The most important thing, experts say, is to defuse your anger before you start disciplining. "Parenting is the toughest job anyone can have," Tracey Rajack said. She is the president of the Family Source of Florida, a nonprofit organization to prevent child abuse. Her group runs a parenting helpline from Tallahassee. Already this year, more than 12,000 people have called the number -- 1-800-FLA-LOVE (1-800-352-5683) -- up 3,000 from 2001.

"Everyone has a role to play in the prevention of child abuse," Rajack said. "Maybe if the people who interacted with this Indiana woman had stepped in earlier, she wouldn't have erupted."

The best way to intervene, Rajack said, is to offer empathy and assistance. Don't judge. Don't condemn. The person could get even more out of control. The child could be in worse danger.

"When you see a frustrated mom in the grocery store, be sympathetic -- not confrontational," Rajack said. "Say, 'I know how hard it can be. What can I do to help?' If things get really out of hand, talk to the store manager or a security guard."

Even security guards may hesitate during what appear to be disciplinary actions. "Those are very, very sticky situations," said Aj Jemison. As general manager of Tampa's new International Plaza, she oversees the mall security guards. "The guard would step in and ask, 'What's the problem?' They would find out if that was the person's child or what the relationship was. And if, by then, the situation hadn't been defused, they would notify the local authorities and let the police take over."

Teachers, too, are trained to contact police whenever they suspect a child is being abused. Any time they see welts or bruises -- or if a student reports being spanked -- the teacher is required to write a report, Pinellas County associate superintendent Ron Stone said.

Like many parents, Joe and Kim Enzor said spanking is sometimes okay. They both were spanked growing up, they said. But they have never spanked their 16-month-old daughter, Hannah, or their nephew Brandon Wynn, who is almost 2. "We haven't had to," said Joe Enzor, 38, who spent Tuesday at Clearwater Beach with his family. "At least not yet."

"I don't see anything wrong with giving a kid a little whack on the rear end so they know you mean business. But one time. More than that, it starts getting into abuse," Joe Enzor said.

"It's hard to win in this parenting business. If your kids are running around, acting up, people criticize you for not disciplining them enough. But if you discipline them too much, people call it abuse," he said. Enzor thinks men get less leeway in disciplining their children than women. When a father hits a child, even with an open hand, he is more likely to be charged than the mother, Enzor said. "There's more of an assumption that a man meant to injure the child," Enzor said. "Mothers get more leniency in this society."

"What that woman did, though," his wife broke in.

"Yeah, that was different," Joe Enzor admitted.

"She reared back with her hand. She made a fist," Kim Enzor said.

"You don't know what she was hitting. You couldn't see exactly," her husband answered.

"But what I saw on the video," she said, "that sure looked like abuse to me."

Cathleen Schexnaydre agreed. She's a Clearwater mom who spent Tuesday afternoon pushing her 2-year-old son, Ian, in a swing at Ed Wright Park. "Oh, that lady lost it," Schexnaydre said of the Indiana mom.

"That woman should have put her kid in the car seat and stepped back for a minute," Schexnaydre said. "Or else, if she really had to hit something, she should have hauled back and punched the wall. Or the car.

"Hit anything," Schexnaydre said. "Anything but your kid."

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