Xpress: It IS all about me

It IS all about me

By CECILIA A. TUCKER

I am really confused about something we seem to fight about often. You tell me I am selfish and inconsiderate. You remind me often how self-centered I am. I have been told for years that the world does not revolve around my schedule and me. After we fight, I leave, knowing what an inconsiderate human being I have become and how utterly disappointed you are with my SELF-CENTEREDNESS. Then, inevitably, a day or so passes, and we start all over again, with the same ending.

On most days I have to admit I am not bothered by your accusations. You see, I believe you are right. I am selfish, and I have vested interest in trying to figure out how I can get my world to be all about me. I know my behavior expresses an "I don't care what you think" attitude. Believe it or not, I show this toward everyone around me, not just you. It is part of the way I survive.

I am not implying that it is your fault I feel so insecure. Just so you know, even as I write this thought, I hear you asking me why I am blaming you for my insecurities. I'm not! Remember, this is all about my world and me, so why are you thinking this has anything to do with you? Again, this is not about you!

I can't make you understand my points of view, and I am not even sure I want to try. I know that frustrates you, but I guess that's one of those things you will need to get over for now. I will tell you this: When I am being what you call self-centered, it has nothing to do with whether or not I love you. It's just that I feel I need to work out my problems by myself. How can I truly love anyone else without finding a way to love myself first, so I have something to give to someone else? I know I am not really the center of the universe, and I am sure you know that, too. We all need time to ourselves just to figure things out, right?

I have been taught that there is a higher power out there who seems to be in charge of the big picture. I am not sure if I believe this all the time, but it doesn't seem to matter much to me presently as I try to find a way to get by every day.

This is what I can tell you. My attitude has nothing to do with my love for you. It would help me a lot if you would stop saying this. If my self-centeredness is about whether I love you or not, this would be all about you. It is not! This is my struggle. When you take my actions so personally, things between us get much worse.

Hey guys, I know I am not always pleasant. When I become obnoxiously selfish, just back off. Remind yourself this is not about you. I know it is hard, but don't take it so personally. It is just me dealing with my selfish teenage years. You can't fix me and neither can I right now. I am sure I will resolve the struggle. In the meantime, I AM sorry when I hurt you, and remember, I do love you. It is MY struggle. When I need my space, please let me have it.

- IT! (Private thoughts of the Indomitable Teen) is written by Cecilia Tucker under the editorial guidance of a panel of teenagers (in exchange for pizza and volunteer hours). Tucker is a licensed marriage and family therapist at the Counseling Center for New Direction in Seminole. Comments are welcome. You may write c/o: IT!, Xpress, the Times, P.O. Box 1121, St. Petersburg, FL 33731, or e-mail Floridian@sptimes.com. If you are interested in being on the teen editorial panel, please contact Cecilia Tucker at revcecilia@msn.com.