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The best of the worst
Two bad-movie buffs come to Tampa to promote their book at a showing of one of their favorites: Zardoz. Imagine Sean Connery in a cross-your-heart bullet-belt bathing suit.
By STEVE PERSALL, Times Film Critic
© St. Petersburg Times
published October 17, 2002
[Photo: Twentieth Century Fox]
Sean Connery stars in John Boorman’s 1974 science fiction flick Zardoz.
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For 76 years, the Tampa Theatre has presented many of the greatest films of all time. Tonight, the historical showplace proudly presents one of the worst.
John Boorman's 1974 science fiction howler Zardoz, a movie even Sean Connery couldn't save, will be introduced by Scott Hamilton and Christopher Holland, two bad-movie buffs who founded Stomptokyo.com, an Internet site hopelessly devoted to cinematic schlock. Their tongue-in-cheek reviews of movies many folks have never bothered to see are available in their book, Reel Shame: Bad Movies and the Hollywood Stars Who Made Them.
How bad? Well, Connery wearing a cross-your-heart bullet-belt bathing suit in 2293 while a giant flying stone head urges the elimination of penises is a good -- excuse me, bad -- place to start. Let's allow Holland and Hamilton's review to take it from there:
Zardoz is "a terrific argument against the use of psychotropic chemicals, a muddle of surrealistic imagery and pseudo-intellectual twaddle intertwined with occasionally laughable moments. Connery's skimpy attire and sagging 43-year-old physique aside, this is one movie that is just plain weird."
And this is a movie they liked.
Reel Shame is a brisk read that reminds us about thankfully forgotten films and acting embarrassments with playfully snarky commentary. Rather than academic, it's more like eavesdropping on those Mystery Science Theater 3000 misfits making cinematic stinkers fun. Holland and Hamilton aren't mean-spirited about their work. Rather, they appreciate the entertainment value of clumsy lunges at artistry.
You won't find reviews for such easy targets as Plan 9 from Outer Space or Showgirls. Reel Shame reflects the authors' willingness to sink even lower, where Pia Zadora is a movie star and The Star Wars Holiday Special resides so insipidly that even George Lucas won't talk about it. No names are changed to protect the guilty pleasures. The enduring cult appeal of such junk is affirmed with a listing of suggested books and Web sites on the subject.
The book is great bathroom reading about movies that went straight down the toilet -- films such as Tammy and the T-Rex, starring Denise Richards as a cheerleader whose boyfriend gets his brain transplanted into a dinosaur, and Shakes the Clown, featuring Bobcat Goldthwait as an alcoholic kiddie-party entertainer. As Holland and Hamilton occasionally remark: We're not making this up.
Hamilton and Holland will sell and autograph their book after tonight's screening. You'll want to stick around that long to see Connery in a wedding dress. Don't ask. Just laugh.
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