Instill in your children the delight of giving

The usual complaint about the holidays is that so much emphasis is placed on receiving rather than giving, especially in our children's eyes. I think when they are young, it's hard to change this completely, but we can make them realize that while they are most excited about getting presents they need to give to or help others as well.

It's good to teach them the fun in giving or making presents for other family members, teachers and friends. But you can take the giving message further by helping them find a way to give to someone they don't know.

It's more fun for the children to go somewhere or work on a project in a group, even if it's a small one. You can gather up a few friends from their school or neighborhood or get the soccer team, ballet class or play group to do something together.

Here are a few ideas for ways children can help others during the holidays. Don't think you have to add all of these to your long list of things to do around Hanukkah and Christmas. Any one would be a great way to divert your kids' energy and attention from the greedier side of the holidays.

Soup kitchens. You're probably going to make cookies anyway because we all see this as the obligatory rite of passage for every child during the holidays. So instead of eating all of them yourselves or giving them to neighbors who also have plenty to eat, take them to a soup kitchen or homeless shelter. You could make cookies with just your kids or invite a few others over so you can crank out more. Ask the other kids to bring their own bowl or stick of dough, cookie sheets, cutters and decorations.

"It's fun for the homeless people and the poor that are there to have somebody care for them," said Steve Kersker, who helps coordinate feeding the needy at St. Vincent de Paul soup kitchen at 1500 Fifth Ave. N. "For the kids it lets them see another side of reality and realize these are just people, too, and they need help and the kids can actually help them."

While it's great to buy toys and clothes for needy families and donate them to a church or other collection site, usually your children don't see the effects of their giving.

"It's much more meaningful to actually see a person take a cookie and smile at you and say thank you," Kersker said. "Some people will probably cry because nobody ever pays any attention to them."

Evening meals at St. Vincent de Paul soup kitchen are from 6:15 p.m. to 7:30 p.m. Kersker said children of all ages would be able to walk around and hand out cookies they made with an adult helping them.

Kids 8 and up can actually help serve food and hand out soft drinks. The soup kitchen feeds 150 to 250 people a night. But by no means do you need to come armed with 150 reindeer sugar cookies. Just bring as many or few as you make and the soup kitchen will supply snacks or other cookies to hand out to the rest of the diners.

"It's a very safe environment," he said. "Everybody is well behaved and stays in their seat." Call ahead to let them know you're coming. St. Vincent de Paul's Kersker can be reached at 823-8404.

Nursing homes. You can make cookies for a nursing home the same way you might for a soup kitchen. Look in the phone book to find one nearby and call the activities director to set up a time to visit. Check on how many residents live there and make sure it's okay to give out sweets.

Your kids can package the cookies in plastic or paper bags then decorate them with drawings or stickers. Or you can pass a plate around after lunch or dinner. If you don't want to give out cookies you can make a holiday craft or get kids to color Christmas or Hanukkah pictures that you draw or copy out of a coloring book.

"When they see children, their faces light up," said Irene Murphy, activities director at Westminster Shores retirement community on 56th Avenue S in St. Petersburg. "I've never seen it fail." When the elderly see children it helps bring back memories of when their own children or grandchildren were young, she said. And Christmas songs help them recall moments from holidays in the past, too.

Be sure to tell your kids ahead of time that some of the residents will be excited to see them but some will be tired, sleeping or sick.

Caroling. If you don't have time to make cookies or crafts, soup kitchens and nursing homes welcome children singing Christmas carols too. Even if it's Rudolph sung four times in a row if that's all your kids know, they love it. I've also heard of ballet classes that go to nursing homes to perform a couple of dances.

A neighbor. On a much smaller scale, make cookies or just a card for someone in your neighborhood or apartment building who doesn't have any children or grandchildren in town.

Don't forget the animals. When you teach your kids to help others, they might get more excited about helping dogs and cats. The SPCA of Pinellas County in Largo always needs donations of dog and cat biscuits, litter, pet toys, blankets, rugs, towels, sheets, newspapers, bleach, dish soap and other cleaners. You can also donate carrots and apples to feed the farm animals.

If you're feeling brave, you could have a little party for your kids and their friends with juice boxes and holiday cookies. Ask each guest to bring a donation for the animals. Or you and your child could write a letter saying you've chosen to help the SPCA this holiday season and hand out copies to everyone on your street. Tell neighbors you will be coming around to pick up the desired items or small cash donations at a certain day and time.

Call the SPCA at 586-3591 for times you can drop off your gifts. It's also a fun place for kids to visit because they can feed the farm animals such as goats, cows and bunnies.

Raise money to buy food bags at grocery stores. Children older than 10 would probably be better suited for fundraising. Invite your kids' friends over to set up a gift-wrapping shop on a Saturday morning. Hand out fliers around your school or neighborhood asking people to drop off the paper they choose and unwrapped presents on a certain date. List a price per present. Then take the proceeds to a grocery store, and let the children use the money to buy food bags that the stores will distribute to needy families during the holidays.

The Christmas Toy Shop. You can take new or like-new toys to the Christmas Toy Shop at 550 16th St. N. Children will feel they are peeking in Santa's workshop as they walk through the building filled with toys and see volunteers sorting, fixing and assembling them. The toy shop has plenty of dolls and stuffed animals but needs toys for boys and girls ages 1 and 2 and boys ages 3 and 5. The toy shop is open Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. and on Saturdays Dec. 14 and Dec. 21 from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. Call 898-3962 for more information.

-- You can reach Katherine Snow Smith by e-mail at Oliviachar@aol.com; or write Rookie Mom, St. Petersburg Times, PO Box 1121, St. Petersburg, FL 33731.

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