It!

The holidays weigh me down

I love the holidays. I think I enjoy all the activity that fills the season. It seems everywhere I go there are celebrations.

Celebrations usually include food, and herein lies one of my holiday dilemmas. I like to eat, and December always leaves me 5 or more pounds heavier. I used to spend the three months after that figuring out how to lose the blubber, but now I have just given up.

Part of me thinks that some people are born to be fat, the same as some people are born to be smart, short or athletic. The problem with the "fat" gene is that it seems to be getting more attention as more teenagers get fatter.

I used to think that I would lose this "baby fat," but unfortunately, I'm about to give up that idea, too. I have gotten a little taller and a lot fatter. I don't think my height is ever going to catch up to my weight.

I read a Garfield cartoon that said, "I am not overweight, I am just under tall." When I said these words when I was younger, I never for a minute thought I would ever be fat forever.

This cartoon isn't funny anymore. My weight is a problem for me. My self-esteem has never been all that, but with this inner tube wrapped around my waist, it has plummeted.

I go shopping for clothes and find myself in the BIG section of the store. The clothes in this department are not the same as the ones found in the normal departments. I have gotten to the point where I don't want to go shopping. It is definitely something I will not do with my friends. I don't want them to know my size. I'm sure they know I am not their sizes, but I don't want to call attention to myself by having to go in a different department.

And now I face another holiday. I watch other people eat, and they don't seem to have the same struggle as I do. Do they eat less, or do they eat different foods? Is there a secret way to eat and not gain weight? I am not the "throwing up" kind of person, so that is not an option.

I can't face myself after the holidays because of my weight gain, but I can't seem to avoid eating the things I like in December. I have often thought it would help me to stay with a skinny person and eat only what they eat.

Sometimes I am amazed at how much skinny people eat. Other times I realize that they eat like birds and that is not enough for me to feel satisfied.

Is it possible that some people are "big boned" with a genetic tendency toward being overweight? Is there a way I can get through this holiday season, not gain weight and not feel bad about myself?

I guess I could not accept invitations for parties where food will be served. I can hear you say, "Just eat less." I have tried this, and it doesn't seem to matter. That's why I am at the point of throwing in the towel and giving in to my weighty problem.

The holidays do "weigh" on me, and like a lot of things in life, I don't seem to be finding an easy answer. I don't want to get any bigger. Is there an answer?

- IT! (Private thoughts of the Indomitable Teen) is written by Cecilia Tucker under the editorial guidance of a panel of teenagers (in exchange for pizza and volunteer hours). Tucker is a licensed marriage and family therapist at the Counseling Center for New Direction in Seminole. Comments are welcome. You may write c/o: IT!, Xpress, the Times, P.O. Box 1121, St. Petersburg, FL 33731, or e-mail Floridian@sptimes.com. If you are interested in being on the teen editorial panel, please contact Cecilia Tucker at revcecilia@msn.com.

Here's the rest of today's Xpress