IT!

I have lost a friend

In elementary school, we had a group that I thought would be "friends forever." Girls and guys in it, and we had a lot of fun. We had days when we fought and said mean things about each other, but it never lasted more than a day or two.

We had many conversations about places we'd go and things we would do together when we got older. We talked about what kinds of cars we would get and who would be driving first and where we would go when we could drive. I never once thought these things would not come true. I just knew we would all honor our promises to one another, but I was wrong.

One of our friends has gotten lost in the crowd. I think of this friend often and even tried to reconnect. I hear stories about the kinds of things that are happening in this person's life -- things I never thought would happen.

In fifth grade, we did DARE together, and we all committed not to get caught up in the drug scene. We committed to one another to confront each other if one of us wandered, but confrontation hasn't worked with my lost friend.

Several of us have tried befriending "our friend" again, but the door is shut. It is as if something changed in our friend overnight and almost none of the things we committed to as a group matter anymore. I don't understand how someone gets lost so easily.

I wish there was a way to let my friend know I still care, but honestly I don't want to run with the same group of people my friend hangs out with. I see my friend regularly but find myself not having much to say anymore when we meet. No one will ever know how awkward this feels to me. This person is still my friend. But I don't really feel like I know my friend anymore.

Sometimes we pass in the hallway at our school, and I am not sure what to do. I have such mixed feelings. Part of me wants to act as if nothing has happened. Another part of me wants to see if we can talk about old times and about how we can fix what has been lost between us.

There is another part of me, though, that feels incredibly sad. I want to tell my friend that I still care, but I have to keep my distance. I will not go down that road with my friend just to be loyal to our friendship. I have to stay disconnected so I can be true to who I am committed to be.

Either choice makes me feel disloyal to my friend or to myself.

My friend is still a good person, and I wish my friend knew that I still believe that. I wish there was a way to rewind what has happened between us, to fix the problem before it got out of hand.

I am not sure why teenagers need to explore things that are going to harm them. Up until this happened with my friend, I thought his/her self esteem was higher than that of anyone else in the group. We all wanted to be like this friend; now I just wish this person could find his way back to us.

We still do fun stuff together and are about to start driving. If you are reading this article, I hope you know you are still important to all of us. We would take you back any time you came, but we won't join you and do the things you are doing. We hope you will read this, because we all miss you.

- IT! (Private thoughts of the Indomitable Teen) is written by Cecilia Tucker under the editorial guidance of a panel of teenagers (in exchange for pizza and volunteer hours). Tucker is a licensed marriage and family therapist at the Counseling Center for New Direction in Seminole. Comments are welcome. You may write c/o: IT!, Xpress, the Times, P.O. Box 1121, St. Petersburg, FL 33731, or e-mail Floridian@sptimes.com. If you are interested in being on the teen editorial panel, please contact Cecilia Tucker at revcecilia@msn.com.

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