Kickin' back: Roman Oben

Left tackle Roman Oben is one of the more thoughtful members of the Bucs, so here he is on a series of Christmas items ranging from the three wise men, to Jesus, to Santa Claus, to the holiday season in his native Cameroon to Rudolph:

By ROGER MILLS, Times Staff Writer
© St. Petersburg Times
published December 23, 2002

RM: Why were they called the three wise men?

RO: They were pretty smart, don't you think? They brought gifts to baby Jesus. That's pretty wise.

RM: What happened to the fourth wise man?

RO: Well, you know historically, there were going to be more than three. There were going to be quite a few, a whole bunch of people were following the star and they were the ones who found him. The fourth one probably followed the wrong star.

RM: Bummer!

RO: No doubt, probably regrets that.

RM: So they roll up in there with frankincense, gold and myrrh?

RO: The frankincense and myrrh is probably those oils and lotions things that were important back in the day. Especially if you're born in a manger. I like those oils myself.

RM: So you go to Bath and Body Works in the mall for those scented lotions?

RO: The guys always make fun of me because I have all these lotions, like eight different ones. I don't go to Bath and Body Works. I go to the Body Shop. It's a little more manly. I don't want to be smelling like pears and apricots. I'm more a mango, coconut type of guy.

RM: Back to Christmas, if this was happening today, what would the three wise men bring?

RO: They would probably bring him some Onesies (clothes for infants). Some diapers. And a changing table.

RM: What was Jesus like as a baby?

RO: I heard he baptized someone when he was 3 or 4 years old. I guess he was probably running the show even back in the manger. I'm sure he was respectful to his parents, but come on, he was God.

RM: As a baby, did Jesus cry?

RO: He had to, all babies cry.

RM: But he was God.

RO: Yeah, but he was also a human being. He did have feelings. We know he wept as an adult, so he had to cry as a baby.

RM: Did Mary spank Jesus when he was a little brat, knowing that he could like blink and bring a plague down on her?

RO: I'm sure she did. I would have worn him out. You've been entrusted with the job of taking care of this king, this savior of the world. So if he stepped out of line, before he got too big, I would have dealt with him.

RM: What's the symbol of the manger?

RO: It's a humbling thing because they had no place to stay. Here is this king born in the hay with the cows and horses. It's the symbolism of the humility of the savior. He was born in a box in a barn after all.

RM: Best thing about Christmas?

RO: I like watching the faces of people when they open a gift and it's something they want. I like going to service on Christmas morning. What I don't get caught up in is the commercialization of the holiday. It's a point now where you almost dread it, you want it to be over. Plus, my wife's birthday is Jan. 4, so I have to turn around and get another set of gifts. So what you do is you go the day after Christmas sales and get the birthday stuff.

RM: How is Christmas in Cameroon different from Christmas here?

RO: It's more religious, more family oriented. No one is going to Sears or Nordstrom and getting a bunch of gifts. Maybe you might kill a goat or a cow or something like that and have a feast. The children might get some gifts, but no one has a list of a lot of things. I kind of like it that way.

RM: Between you and me, how come Santa Claus hasn't gone on a diet?

RO: Santa Claus needs to hit the weights. He needs to cut the carbs out. He needs more vegetables than carbs, at least an equal amount. What's a guy to do, people leave him all those Christmas cookies all the time.

RM: You see, that has to stop.

RO: It's not good for him. Plus he's stopping at a lot of households. If I had to leave something for Santa, I would leave some granola bars, fruits sticks and stuff like that.

RM: Could Santa play on the offensive line?

RO: He looks like he would be a good coach. You could see the fat guy, the heavyweight guy, with the whistle and the coaching clipboard. I'm sure there's a coach on every team, college and pro, who could dress up like Santa Claus for Christmas.

RM: I also have a problem with the velvet red suit, enough already.

RO: He probably doesn't wash it. I think I would go velour, like a heather gray velour. Or a pewter suit. But here in Florida, I don't know how he makes it in that suit. In hotter climates, I think he should have a shorts suit or a Hawaiian shirt.

RM: Rudolph got played.

RO: He kind of pimped Rudolph didn't he. But then, think about it, Rudolph was the overachiever. He was the guy picked on and then became the most important guy. He became the hero.

RM: Shoot, if I was Rudolph I would have told Santa, "Oh, so now you need me, huh?"

RO: Luckily, Rudolph saw the bigger picture. The season of Christmas. You could say, Rudolph came off the bench, scored 30 points, with 10 rebounds and 10 assists.

RM: Now, he gets all kinds of love from the other reindeer.

RO: He gets all the props. He's the man. He's like the Marc Bulger or Tom Brady of the reindeer world.

RM: You're a secret Santa, what gift would you get for Todd Washington?

RO: I'll get him an organizer or a cash register. He's the treasurer of our offensive line fines and he keeps like $1,000 in a plastic pencil case. He needs a safe and a combination, at least.

RM: Kerry Jenkins?

RO: He gets a new visor. He's got this old visor. He's worn that hat every single day since I got here. It's khaki, it's dirty, it's got to go.

RM: Jeff Christy?

RO: He gets a lifetime subscription to Auto Trader magazine. He has a new car every week.

RM: Cosey Coleman?

RO: Some Lugz shoes. He's a shoes man. He likes to get spiffed up. A sharp big man is a little different.

RM: Kenyatta Walker?

RO: I would get him some footies. He's like a size 17 and he tries to squeeze into a like a 12. He needs some size 17s.