Action: Sometimes, consumers say the darndest things

Today we are taking a break from our usual fare of problems and complaints with a look back into Action's archives at some of the more, er, unusual questions and comments that crossed the desks of consumer columnists nationwide.

I bought an album and was told it could be returned as long as it was within the next 10 days. I took it back seven days later and was told only warped or scratched records could be returned, so I took it outside and scratched it. Then she said there was no way she would accept it because it wasn't scratched at first. I think I should get my money back.

Please ignore my previous complaint about bad breakes on my car. The problem was solved by three escaped convicts who stole the car and demolished it when they wrapped it around a tree.

My daughter-in-law is making my son a walking time bomb. She threw two plates at him, causing over 300 stitches in his arm. She sprayed Mace in his face and dumped a cup of hot coffee in his lap. This is not what I call a good wife.

I'm seeking an unusual vacation activity: a male-only nudist camp. I don't think I could "bare" it in front of women.

I recently found a roll of film on the back seat of my car. Thinking it belonged to someone in my family, I had it developed and found I didn't know the people in the pictures. I am sending them to you so you can forward them to the right party.

There is an old saying that when someone is born, someone dies. I was born at 8 p.m. March 21, 1966. Please find out who died.

A few weeks ago you wrote about swimming gargles. I could use them in my pool, but I don't know where to buy them. It must be someplace special. Every time I call a store and ask about swimming gargles, the clerks laugh at me.

Please cancel the call I just made about the stereo that broke down an hour after I got it back from the repair shop. I just found out my 4-year-old unplugged it.

I've got a coffee tree. How can I tell if it's regular or decaffeinated?

The whole state of Florida is contaminated with the Internal Revenue Service. What are you going to do about it?

My landlord said he was going to put me on a leash. Can he do that?

On Dec. 16 I was terminated from my employment because I would not work overtime. Under the Constitution, it guarantees the right of pursuit of happiness. Working overtime would have deprived me of my pursuit of happiness, so I feel this is violating my rights.

Why don't breweries make vitamin-enriched beer? That way a person

could build himself up while tearing himself down.

If you don't get this letter, please call me and let me know.

If you print my question, please do not use my name. If you do, I will make threatening phone calls.

I asked you to find me another blade for my hacksaw that broke. All you did was send me a letter saying my saw hasn't been made for 50 years. You can't tell me somewhere in somebody's house there ain't a blade for my saw. You are just another damn ripoff like everybody else. What can you expect from a paper where you can't tell a 1 from a 4 on the sports page?

And finally, we end with a letter Action received several years ago. We're sure most, if not all, of you will be able to relate.

"I wanted to see Stomp at the Tampa Bay Performing Arts Center, and I asked several friends if they wanted to go, too. They did, but we wanted to know the price of the tickets.

"I called the number in the ad: A voice said "Push 1, blah blah blah. For more information, push 2, blah, blah, blah. For . . ., push 3, blah blah. For further assistance, please hold." I held and held. Finally I gave up.

"Next I called Ticketmaster. For results of that call, see paragraph above.

"I called a Ticketmaster outlet at a store. The phone rang and rang with no answer.

"I called the theater number listed in the phone book. Same results as at the store.

"My friends and I are not going to see Stomp. We are going to get garbage can lids, big sticks, heavy shoes and create our own Stomp.

"Is there no human being who can aid callers? What should I have done?"

- Action solves problems and gets answers for you. If you have a question, or your own attempts to resolve a consumer complaint have failed, write Times Action, P.O. Box 1121, St. Petersburg, FL 33731, or call your Action number, (727) 893-8171, or, outside of Pinellas, toll-free 1-800-333-7505, ext. 8171, to leave a recorded request.

Requests will be accepted only by mail or voice mail; calls cannot be returned. We will not be responsible for personal documents, so please send only photocopies. If your complaint concerns merchandise ordered by mail, we need copies of both sides of your canceled check.

We may require additional information or prefer to reply by mail; therefore, readers must provide a full mailing address, including ZIP code. Names of letter writers will not be omitted except in unusual circumstances. Letters may be edited for length.

Contact the Times | Privacy Policy
Standard of Accuracy | Terms, Conditions & Copyright