Road trip for waffle fries? It's just wrong

At this moment in history, there are lots of critical issues facing our country. And in today's column, I don't intend to address any of them.

In fact, I can think of only a few people who share my heartfelt conviction on today's topic. But I like to think we represent a silent majority. And I'm not afraid to stand up and be at the vanguard for the cause we share.

I'm speaking, of course, about Chick-fil-A. To be more specific, I want to know why Spring Hill doesn't have one.

Obviously there are other problems facing our community -- rising crime, crowded schools and a sagging economy. But you can't fix those very easily. We can take care of this one just by building one Chick-fil-A restaurant.

You may be asking, what is so special about Chick-fil-A? You can get chicken sandwiches at half a dozen fast-food joints in Spring Hill. KFC is already in the chicken business. So what's the big deal?

It's really hard to define, but there is something.

Maybe it is the fact that, as a parent, it is one of the few fast-food restaurants that my kids and I both enjoy. Maybe it is the waffle fries that take to ketchup the way that peanut butter takes to jelly.

Maybe it is that Chick-fil-A knows how to make real Southern sweet tea. Maybe it is how they fry -- yes, I said fry -- their chicken.

Lest you think I have a vested interest in Chick-fil-A's bottom line, know that Chick-fil-A isn't a publicly traded company. It does not sell stock. Nor am I heir to the guy who built the company, though I am willing to change my name if it will help.

I am merely a man who longs for easy access to waffle fries.

From Spring Hill, the nearest Chick-fil-A is at Gulf View Square in Port Richey. That's too far. I'm not sure the last drop of fresh water in Florida is worth driving that far down U.S. 19.

In Hernando County, business leaders and county commissioners are always blathering on about attracting high-tech companies and good-paying jobs. But there's a lot of competition for those. It's much easier to find companies that hire teenagers and pay them minimum wage.

That's why I want county commissioners to fly to Chick-fil-A headquarters in Atlanta and lobby for a Spring Hill store. This is a junket I'm willing to pay for. Take the kids. Spend a week. Go to Six Flags. Just go.

I am so serious, I called up the Chick-fil-A people in Atlanta and asked them why they were discriminating against the good people of Hernando County.

At first, they did not know Hernando County existed. But then they said they like the Tampa Bay market and are planning more stores here. For now, they have no plans for Spring Hill.

I made the case that we are bigger than Port Richey and that our community has shown itself capable of supporting Applebee's, Chili's and various other restaurants.

I asked them if there was anything I could do to influence them. Such as picketing their Tampa stores while wearing a Colonel Sanders costume. Or maybe using my next three columns to write about how their cow billboards hurt the cause of literacy in America, what with their "Eat Mor Chikin" placards and all.

After checking his caller ID and notifying security, the friendly man at Chick-fil-A said his company opens only 50 to 60 new restaurants a year. That's compared to, say, the 89,000 a day that McDonald's opens. Chick-fil-A simply hasn't gotten to Spring Hill yet.

But there is hope. The Chick-fil-A man was very impressed by my presentation. And he said if we want to hurry the process along, we should all pull out our crayons and write letters to his boss. I thought that was a fine idea.

Here's the address: Truett Cathy, Chick-fil-A founder and chairman, 5200 Buffington Road, Atlanta, GA 30349. Be sure each member of your family contributes. And if you send more than one letter, remember that false names and phony addresses are always helpful.

-- Robert King covers Spring Hill and can be reached at 848-1432. Send e-mail to rking@sptimes.com .

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