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IT!
All these decisions are overwhelming me
By CECILIA TUCKER
© St. Petersburg Times
published December 30, 2002
Part one of two.
Hardly a week passes without someone (usually an adult) asking me what I want to do with my life after I finish high school.
I freeze each time I hear that question. I don't know how to respond to this question. I want to scream and say I don't even know what I am doing this weekend and that is all I can handle for the moment!
I don't scream and I don't tell them about my upcoming indecisive weekend plans. Sometimes I find myself making answers up as I go; other times, I simply tell them I don't know yet. I never like giving the second answer because then I am reminded that I need to be thinking about my future (as if that has never crossed my mind) because "it will be here before I know it."
The way I see the world, there are more choices about everything than ever before. I often find myself sitting in front of homework daydreaming about the future. Right now, the future seems to be the rest of my life. I wonder how many of the things I decide now really will have an affect on my future.
I know the big things like my choices about alcohol, sex, drugs, relationships and education have a major impact on my tomorrow. But how about the decisions I have to make everyday?
When I was in elementary school, I decided I would not exclude others and I would do my part to be respectful, especially of my teachers. As the years passed I decided not to be a troublemaker and to be responsible about my grades.
Middle school, from the beginning, has been an issue. At 10, I had to choose which school I wanted to attend. What did I know about that stuff? Was this one of those life-changing decisions, and, if so, did I make the right one? As I entered middle school, I struggled with feeling excluded. I rethought my elementary-school decision but decided to stick with my earlier commitment to include others even if I didn't always feel included. This is just an example of one of many things I have decided and continually ponder.
Then it happened all over again. When I was 13, I had to decide which high school I would attend. I didn't know much when I was 10, but I knew even less when I was 13. I know I act grown-up, but I feel scared about having to make the "right" selection. You say I am not grown-up enough to go to the mall alone but I am old enough to select the high school I will attend.
I am confused about how "old" I really am. These decisions are very important to my future.
In high school, my choices began to overwhelm me. I came face to face with multiple choices involving alcohol, sex, drugs and relationships, which have all impacted my education decisions. Everywhere I turned, I had opportunities to go down roads that could potentially alter my future. I had been exposed to these distractions in middle school, but I had more freedom than ever to choose them.
I saw people I knew, compromising things we said we'd never do. I heard rumors about people I used to play soccer with using drugs and alcohol. I knew some of my friends were experimenting with sex, and I became even more confused. I am not the wisest person in the world, but something inside me keeps telling me this behavior will impact our future!
IT! (Private thoughts of the Indomitable Teen) is written by Cecilia Tucker under the editorial guidance of a panel of teenagers (in exchange for pizza and volunteer hours). Tucker is a licensed marriage and family therapist at the Counseling Center for New Direction in Seminole. Comments are welcome. You may write c/o: IT!, Xpress, the Times, P.O. Box 1121, St. Petersburg, FL 33731, or e-mail Floridian@sptimes.com. If you are interested in being on the teen editorial panel, please contact Cecilia Tucker at revcecilia@msn.com.
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