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IT!
Making decisions is hard work
By CECILIA A. TUCKER
© St. Petersburg Times
published January 6, 2003
Second of two parts.
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I am a teenager in high school; I am deciding the paths I will take. I am afraid I could totally mess up my future, but everyone else seems to think I have all the necessary skills to move ahead in life.
I asked for help when I made my class schedule, and for now I am on the college track, partly because I think that is what I'm supposed to do. I am not even sure I am college material or that I need to go to college. I decided it would be better for me to take college prep courses than to find later that I wanted to attend and then have to take catch-up classes. This may be a dumb reason to do what I am doing, but it is what I decided.
The other things that weigh on me every day are just as heavy. Today, I choose not to get drunk and party all weekend. I think drinking and partying would help me fit in, but I wonder what longterm price I will pay if I regularly travel this road.
This week, I decided to do my homework and go to school every day. I would have had more fun if I had skipped school and gone to a friend's house and just hung out all day. But not only did I fear getting caught, I knew it wasn't in my best interest.
Yesterday, I decided not to cheat on a test even though I could have gotten away with it very easily. If I had decided to cheat, I could have gone out last night. Instead, I stayed home and studied. Again, not the most popular decision but the one I made.
Tomorrow, I hope I will stick to my decision not to be sexually involved with the person I am seeing. I am never sure if I will keep this commitment. Each time we are together, I feel less committed to myself to keep true to my promise.
I struggle with the thought of what's so wrong with trying certain things as long as we don't "do everything." Then I am not sure if I would know when enough is enough. I think I know, but my feelings are stronger than my thoughts when I am in these compromising situations.
So here I sit. You are asking me what I will do when I grow up, and I am still trying to figure out what I will choose today and tomorrow and re-evaluating what I did yesterday. Growing up and graduating from high school seems too far away even to consider.
I know that in reality I will be finished with this part of my life soon, but I am still overwhelmed about my daily decisions. Some days it seems that every decision I make will alter my future drastically. Other days it seems nothing I choose ever makes a difference.
When we discuss my future, I think you believe I am trying to avoid the subject. I am not. I would like to know that what I have chosen today is ALWAYS in my best interest for the future. I can't know that and obviously you can't either. Whatever road I choose, I hope I can always count on you to be there for me and reassure me that I will find my way.
I am more scared than you. Ultimately, this is my life. Even though I act as if I am blowing you off, deep inside I want to make the right choices.
- IT! (Private thoughts of the Indomitable Teen) is written by Cecilia Tucker under the editorial guidance of a panel of teenagers (in exchange for pizza and volunteer hours). Tucker is a licensed marriage and family therapist at the Counseling Center for New Direction in Seminole. Comments are welcome. You may write c/o: IT!, Xpress, the Times, P.O. Box 1121, St. Petersburg, FL 33731, or e-mail Floridian@sptimes.com. If you are interested in being on the teen editorial panel, please contact Cecilia Tucker at revcecilia@msn.com.
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