Side show

GIVE US YOUR FELONS, YOUR BOORS . . .: Mr. Blackwell's 43rd annual worst-dressed list is the equivalent of shooting fish in a barrel: All the targets are too easy.

Most offensive to the critic/former designer, as she has been to us all, was Anna Nicole Smith. "Don't bother with a new designer, Anna, just hire a structural engineer," he said in an Associated Press report.

At No. 2 for 2002 was Kelly Osbourne, followed by Shakira, Cameron Diaz, Britain's Princess Anne, author Anne Rice (an easy-target exception; no one cares what she wears), designer Donatella Versace, Meg Ryan, Christina Aguilera and Pink.

We'd like to see some originality in the list and suggest that Winona Ryder should have gotten the top spot. It's just too gauche, at your theft trial, to wear clothes from the designer who produced some of the things you're accused of stealing.

SPEAKING OF WHICH . . .: The first widely reported Ryder shopping spree since she was convicted of stealing from the Beverly Hills Saks was at the Beverly Hills Prada store.

And the report wasn't from the police.

While a salesclerk watched Saturday, Ryder took from almost every shelf items from the Italian line's resort collection, including an $850 rosette-print nylon tote and a $750 red canvas purse with flower appliques, the Los Angeles Times says.

She was heard saying, "I like almost everything."

Danger, Will Robinson.

After more than 10 minutes of hunting and gathering, Ryder went into a dressing room. By the time she left the store, she was confirmed to have paid for at least a pair of stiletto heels.

WHERE'S VERSACE WHEN YOU NEED HER? Seventy-five percent of American men own at least one pair of Dockers, according to the new book Fashion Victim: Our Love-Hate Relationship With Dressing, Shopping and the Cost of Style.

MAYBE PRESIDENT BUSH CAN NEGOTIATE A BREAK FOR HIM, TOO: Mick Jagger, granted a knighthood by Queen Elizabeth six months ago, hasn't gone through with the official ceremony yet, meaning he remains officially sir-less.

Buckingham Palace tells London's Daily Mail that it offered Jagger several dates for investiture, but he said none were convenient. A Jagger spokesman says the problem is related to taxes: If the singer spends more than 90 nights in England this year, he'll fall into a tax-paying category he wants to avoid.

HE SHOULD HAVE STUCK WITH, LIKE, THAT ZIGGY STARDUST NAME: Briton David Bowie has more pedestrian problems: He can't get respect from an 18-year-old.

Avril Lavigne, helping to announce the Grammy nominees for best male rock vocal performance, pronounced Bowie's last name so it sounded like "WOW-eee."

When told by an Associated Press reporter that she had just butchered the last name of an artist who will be remembered long after her flash has died in our pan, Lavigne replied, "Oops! I knew that was going to happen. I knew I was going to pronounce someone's name wrong."

We further register our indignation by not publishing a pronunciation guide for her last name.

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