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Do the crime, get a tongue-lashing
© St. Petersburg Times On any given day, a misdemeanor judge at the Hillsborough Courthouse sees a long, sorry-looking procession of accused drunken drivers, shoplifters, and small-scale crooks. In County Judge Elvin Martinez's courtroom, a contrite defendant has a fair chance of getting a break on a petty crime. But it's tough to escape a tongue-lashing. On Monday, Martinez shook his head at a young man accused of possessing an open container at the Tampa Bay Performing Arts Center, a crime the judge found particularly obnoxious. Did the defendant know that the center is "one of the most wonderful places in the world," a place with greater annual attendance than Raymond James Stadium? A place the judge goes to with his family? Then came a woman charged with stealing electricity. The judge told her electricity wasn't free -- if she didn't pay for it, other people had to. People like the judge himself. You want to see an unhappy person, the judge asked. See my wife when she gets the electricity bill. Next came an admitted litterbug. There's a Dumpster near where I live, the judge said. When someone dumps a sofa by it, it degrades the whole neighborhood. Why not take it to Goodwill? If they can't take it, they'll dispose of it for you. A man arrested for soliciting a prostitute approached. "Kind of humiliating, isn't it?" the judge asked him, adding that neighbors shouldn't have to put up with people coming through their neighborhood looking to "pick up a hooker." "How would you like it if I went to your neighborhood and did it?" the judge said. A man of dubious mental stability stood before the judge, accused of theft. He admitted he hadn't been taking his medication. The judge urged him to go back on it. "What if one day you decide to go postal on us?" Martinez said. The man didn't know what that meant. Martinez explained the term. "I suffer from schizophrenia," the man said on the way out of the courtroom. "If you shot me in the head, you'd be doing me a favor." TAKE IT EASY: Just hours after Sheriff Cal Henderson announced he would not run for a fourth term in 2004, Chief Deputy David Gee said he was "humbled and excited" by rumors that he is the odds-on favorite to replace Henderson. Gee said he hasn't decided whether he will run. The election is two years away, he said. A few hours after that conversation, Gee was driving by an apartment building in Brandon. He saw smoke. He pulled into the parking lot, dialed 911 and made sure everyone was out of the building. We can't wait to see Gee in action on the campaign trail. OH, THOSE JUNIOR DEPUTY BADGES: A traffic stop this week made Hillsborough sheriff's spokesman Lt. Rod Reder a little nostalgic. Deputies from District One stopped a man for speeding. Hang on, said the man, I'm with the Secret Service. No, the man said, I'm actually with the FBI. The man then pulled out his junior deputy badge, procured when he was in junior high school. The man was taken in for a mental evaluation under the state's Baker Act. Meanwhile, Reder fondly remembered his junior deputy badge. "I still have mine from fifth grade," he said. "Sheriff Malcolm Beard gave it to me at Lutz Elementary. Little did he know that he would hire me later."
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