Cue the theme in 'Get Smart'

San Diego resident Dion Rich, who has sneaked into 33 consecutive Super Bowls, said he won't have a homefield advantage Sunday. Rich, 73, a part-time travel and real estate agent, evaded security last year in New Orleans that included the FBI and U.S. Secret Service. He said he's not as confident this year even though the game is in San Diego. He's a Chargers season-ticket holder, and he made it into the two previous Super Bowls played in the city. "They're going to have double-double security for this one," Rich said. "It's going to be tough." The city is supervising security with assistance from federal authorities. It will spend about $2-million, and security will be as tight as at a presidential inauguration. "Anyone who does not have a ticket will not be allowed into the stadium," police spokeswoman Isabel Zavala said. "It would be a surprise if he gets in."

HA! HA!

From Bernie Lincicome of the Rocky Mountain News:

Q : Who is smarter, Oakland or Tampa Bay?

A: This is best answered with some much borrowed apocrypha. Tampa Bay coach Jon Gruden wanted to show his old assistant, Bill Callahan, how sharp Warren Sapp is. So he called Sapp over and asked, "Who's your father's brother's nephew?" And Sapp answered, "Me, Coach." In Oakland, Callahan gave the same test to Bill Romanowski. "Who's your father's brother's nephew, Romo?" And Romanowski answered, "Dunno, Coach. Let me check the playbook." Romanowski then went and asked Jerry Rice, "Who's your father's brother's nephew?" Rice answered immediately, "Me." Romanowski returned to Callahan and said, "Coach, my father's brother's nephew is Jerry Rice." Callahan slapped his forehead. "Jeeze, Romo," Callahan said. "Do you want people to think you're a hick? Your father's brother's nephew is Warren Sapp."

REALLY, THAT'S ALL RIGHT

Raiders kicker Sebastian Janikowski was asked about the rumor he contracted a bacterial infection from a piercing where it really hurts. He shook his head and started to unbuckle his trousers: "You want me to show you right now?"

EBAY ITEM OF THE DAY

There are nearly 7,000 Super Bowl-related items up for bid at auction site eBay.com this week. One seller from Maine is offering an item titled "Super Bowl Advertising" with a minimum bid of $10,000. "I will run across the field of the Super Bowl at halftime wearing nothing but an ad for your company," he writes. "You supply the ad. Just think of all the TV time your ad will get." The winning bidder must provide game tickets, round-trip airfare from Maine to San Diego and "bail money in case I get caught." Here's hoping the guy has a really good sense of humor. But if not, it's another reason to tune in to the halftime show. http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=2155560086&category=1306

ON THE WEB

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BY THE NUMBERS

$123-MILLION: Oakland's committed salaries for 2003.

$74.9-MILLION: Estimated salary cap for 2003.