I'll take a throwback, and make it a Dobler

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© St. Petersburg Times
published February 13, 2003

I want a Jim Bouton throwback jersey.

I want a Joe Don Looney jersey, too.

And while you're at it, give me a World B. Free.

Cool is where I want to be, and I figure this would move me into the neighborhood. I want to be retro from the get-go. I want to go throwback until I throw up.

Have you been paying attention? When it comes to purchasing status, yesterday's jerseys are today's currency. What? Did you think $200 sneakers were going to keep people happy forever?

Nope, if you want to be a player these days, you've got to pay attention to the guys who played in those days.

It's hip. It's hot. It's happening. It's the shirt of some old dude who played in front of your dad!

Well, bomb-diggity.

Or to use throwback slang, neat-o.

The jerseys are everywhere. One minute, Keyshawn Johnson is dancing around in a Terry Bradshaw jersey, or Michael Pittman is wearing his Barry Sanders. The last time I interviewed Warren Sapp, he was wearing a Jim Brown shirt. When Andre Caldwell signed with the Gators, he was wearing a Ron Jaworski shirt.

Lately, sports attire looks much like a 1971 party at the Playboy Mansion. Everyone old is new again.

It was no surprise then, to read that LeBron James' troubles all began when someone gave him replicas of the jerseys worn by Wes Unseld and Gale Sayers, a nice couple of pieces of laundry that cost, oh, about the same as a washer and dryer.

So give me a Ryan Leaf throwbad ... oops, throwback jersey.

Give me a Vinny Castilla.

Give me a Charles McRae.

It wasn't that long ago that a baseball player named Vince Coleman didn't know who Jackie Robinson was, so it's nice to see today's athlete pay a bit of homage to their forebearers. Yes, there is some of that going on. Kobe Bryant wore a Magic Johnson jersey during last season's NBA Finals, and last season, on the day Johnny Unitas was honored in Baltimore, Pittman wore a Unitas jersey.

But let's face it. Locker rooms are not history classes, and the throwback movement isn't just about nostalgia. It's also about fashion and fame.

Hip-hop artists have fueled the throwback trend, and being worn by the right rapper can have much to say about which shirt is hottest. (Which makes you realize how fortunate we are the rappers chose jerseys; they could have gone back to, say, tie-dye.) Put it this way: If the Beatles came along today, they'd be dressed as the Four Horsemen.

So, no, it isn't just about honoring yesterday. For instance, how many people inside a locker room, or outside of it, for that matter, know about Tony Canadeo? Canadeo was a fine running back for the Packers in the 1940s, but it's the bold blue-and-gold colors that seem to appeal to customers.

Bob St. Clair, Dave Wilcox and Steve Van Buren also have throwback jerseys. Bob St. Clair was a great player, but most NFL players wouldn't know him from Buffy Saint-Marie.

Give me a Conrad Dobler throwback jersey.

Give me a Shoeless Joe Jackson.

Give me a Brian Bosworth, the one with Bo Jackson's footprints on it.

Anyway, there are close to 1,000 throwback jerseys out there. You can get Montana and Rice and Maravich and Staubach. You can get Nitschke and Mantle and Jordan and Bird and Abdul-Jabbar. You can get Aaron and Robinson and Lambert and Otto. Soon, an athlete is going to volunteer to give up his signing bonus for a closet full of throwbacks.

Look, the price is silly. Yeah, yeah. The official explanation is the jerseys are so expensive because they have to be carefully made, and they're made in smaller runs. Also, there is this: The jerseys cost this much, because the manufacturers can get this much. It's called supply and demand.

(Just wondering: Do gangsta rappers wear O.J. Simpson jerseys? Darryl Strawberry? Or, from The Longest Yard, Paul "The Wrecking" Crewe?)

A story. When my son Kevin was in grade school, his favorite player was Steve Young. He loved Steve Young. So, one year, we bought him a Steve Young jersey for Christmas. It must have cost, oh, $20, max.

Ah, but Kevin wanted other kids to know how special his jersey was. So he told everyone that Steve Young had personally given him this jersey, and that Steve Young's wife (Young was single at the time) had personally sewn it.

The point is this. Right now, I believe you could get Steve Young's wife to indeed sew a Steve Young jersey, and it still wouldn't cost what these throwbacks are getting.

So give me Wilson Alvarez.

Give me Alvin Harper.

Give me Ralph "Beep-Beep" Garr.

So what's next?

How about this? How about throwback jerseys for really, really bad ballplayers? Or, at least, really, really funny ones.

Let's face it. Anyone should know who Magic Johnson was. Or Walter Payton or Willie Mays or Wayne Gretzky.

Ah, but how about the busts, the bombs, the bumblers. Now, those are collectors items. Aren't they?

I don't know about you, but I would be fairly impressed if Jay-Z took the stage wearing a Tony Mandarich jersey. Or if Eminem wore a Mario Mendoza? Who wants Cannonball Butler? Who wants Keith McCants?

I know. Springsteen could wear a Mike Kekich jersey, and Clarence Clemons could wear a Fritz Peterson jersey, and halfway through the concert, they could swap.

That's a throwback gag, by the way.

Some day, alas, those might come back in style, too.

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