Weather | Sports | Forums | Comics | Classifieds | Calendar | Movies
Cover story
It's a day for sweethearts and sour grapes, romance and regret, cheating hearts and dinner for one, but we can't help it. We're sweet on Valentine's Day.
By TOM ZUCCO, Times Staff Writer
© St. Petersburg Times, published February 13, 2003
It starts like this: With nothing but good intentions, the elementary school teacher asks each child to decorate a shoebox, cut a hole in the top, and bring it to class. Then, when The Day arrives, the kids hope their boxes fill with those cute little cut-out Valentines.
Harmless, right?
Hardly. Some kids get more than others. Some get hardly any. The process of natural selection has begun. Have a nice life, kids.
It ends like this: The cards, roses, bracelets, teddy bears and chocolates never arrive. But the husband does. The Buds he wants don't need a vase.
Let's be honest. If you're not involved in a relationship, Valentine's Day is like celebrating someone else's anniversary.
Men without partners add up the money they've saved by not having a partner, then go back to the one person who truly understands them -- that dark-haired babe on SportsCenter.
Women without partners tiptoe through the day (some break down and send flowers to themselves), and spend the evening with a glass of merlot, a box of Wheat Thins, and the subject of that night's E! True Hollywood Story.
Don Henley put it best:
Great expectations.
Here we go again.
A true cynic would dismiss the entire notion of Valentine's Day and be done with it. Many others just buy the designated gift, make the prescribed reservations and quietly endure the ritual.
But there are some people who have taken the occasion of Valentine's Day and the subject of love and made something noble and decent out of it. They have elevated this tribute to a second century Roman priest who was beheaded because he secretly married couples to a holiday that's not crass or commercialized.
Two people in particular.
Let's honor them.
"I will be with my girlfriend in the afternoon, and with my wife in the evening," said Bobby Goldstein, creator and executive producer of the TV show Cheaters, from his office at 4516 Lovers Lane (really!) in Dallas.
(awkward pause)
"Hey, I'm kidding," he added, with a chuckle. "I've been happily married for 17 years and I have four children."
That proves nothing, but we'll give him the benefit of the doubt.
As Goldstein and just about any private investigator will tell you, Valentine's Day is a wonderful holiday.
Because there's usually a whole lot of cheatin' going on.
"I always said we'll run out of tape and money before we run out of adultery," Goldstein said. And then he offered this bit of encouraging news:
"Since the beginning of time, there has been nothing but infidelity. And the truth is, there's nothing mankind can do to change our anthropological instincts.
"We'll always have an urge and desire to fornicate. To propagate the species. It's built into us."
It doesn't help that the social and legal ramifications of adultery or infidelity have lessened dramatically in the last 50 years. Or that just about anyone these days can -- and has been -- led astray. (See Clinton, Bill.)
"There were once laws that divorce was predicated on proof of adultery," said Goldstein, 45, who was a divorce attorney in Texas before he started filming people getting caught in the act. "Now, there is really no remedy for adultery or infidelity.
"Well, there is one remedy."
Let's guess.
Hop in your Mercedes and run over your filthy, lyin', cheatin' spouse. Three times. Just to make sure he/she gets the point.
Of course not. You do the civilized thing. You place a call to Cheaters.
"Well? We are a form of mousetrap," said Goldstein. "Before we shot any cases, we didn't know what was going to happen. But after 200 of these things so far, what we've found is that people become emancipated and liberated from the process."
Cheaters, which airs Saturday nights at 9 on WMOR-Ch. 32, just finished its third season and has been renewed for another.
"We're living in ancient Rome or Babylon and we have to acknowledge that," he added. "Art is imitating life.
"Even in the 1950s and '60s, parents didn't sleep in separate beds like we saw on TV. Don't tell me Ward Cleaver wouldn't go down the street when June was gone and the kids were out."
There's a shattered image for you. Ward Cleaver having an affair.
With Lumpy's mom.
Our second love expert is John Adams, administrative director of A Foreign Affair, a Phoenix, Ariz., company that offers more than 30 "International Romance Tours" every year. AFA is one of the first and largest Internet mail-order bride businesses (www.loveme.com). Most of its clients are men, and the most popular destination for bride hunting is St. Petersburg, Russia.
"These men, and some women, are adventurous, open-minded people who don't want to have to settle for the boy or girl next door," Adams explained, as he officially entered the Understatement of the Year contest.
"Valentine's Day -- and the search for love -- have changed. The world is smaller. Because of the Internet, people can search worldwide.
"That's how I found Tanya."
Five years ago, Adams was leading a two-week tour in St. Petersburg (cost including hotel, air fare and social outings: about $3,300) and chanced upon a Russian beauty. "It was just an instant chemistry," he said. He was 37, she was 26. They married a year later.
Adams explained that many American men are confused about how to treat American women. And many men who want to start a family often find that younger American women are focused on their careers, while older women have decided they don't want children.
"Russian women want families, and like the stability of an older man."
And again, he hammered home the good-clean-fun point.
"This is not some kind of sex tour," he said.
Yet another shattered image.
We can't end this story without at least some measure of genuine hope.
A study released last week by the University of California at Berkeley found something enormously comforting: Ordinary married people are better than marriage counselors or other professionals when it comes to judging marital happiness.
In other words, Dr. Phil, Dear Abby, the Men Are From Mars guy . . . they don't know any more than you and me. They're just good salespeople.
And then there's this:
One of the saddest songs ever recorded was Jan Ian's 1975 hit single At Seventeen. In it, Ian sang about never getting Valentine's Day cards as a teenager.
"I learned the truth at 17, that love was meant for beauty queens.
"And high school girls with clear-skinned smiles.
"Who married young and then retired.
"The Valentines I never knew. The Friday night charades of youth.
"Were spent on one more beautiful.
"At seventeen, I learned the truth."
After the song found its way onto the radio, Ian received more than 500 Valentine's Day cards from her fans.
Happy Valentine's Day.
It may be too late to get reservations or a babysitter, but all is not lost. Here are some ideas:
Make it a pink-and-red dinner: Grab a steamed lobster, a salmon fillet, some shrimp or stone crabs, a bottle of rose champagne and strawberries at the supermarket.
Take your sweetie to the Florida State Fair, and give him or her a big kiss at the very top of the Ferris wheel.
Get a romantic video (see Page 16), spread out your favorite takeout feast (on the good china) and have a picnic in front of the TV.
Roll up the carpet and dance to "your" song. Better yet, bring the boombox outside and dance under the stars.
WHAT I LIKE ABOUT YOU: Holly jumps to the conclusion that Jeff is going to propose to Val on Valentine's Day. 8 p.m., WTTA-Ch. 38.
REBA: Reba cancels a Valentine's Day date, 9 p.m., WTTA-Ch. 38.
TV'S MOST MEMORABLE WEDDINGS: Prince Charles and Lady Diana, Tiny Tim and Miss Vicki, Luke and Laura and more, 8 p.m., WFLA-Ch. 8.
BLIND DATE'S ULTIMATE GUIDE TO DATING: 8 p.m., TNN.
IT'S VALENTINE'S DAY, JOHNNY BRAVO: 9 and 11 p.m., Cartoon Network.
KISS AND TELL: 20 YEARS OF MAKING OUT ON MTV: 2:30 p.m., MTV.
CELEBRITY BREAKUPS: 10 p.m., VH1.
VALENTINE'S LOVE/HATE DEDICATIONS: 10 a.m.-6 p.m., then 6 to 9 p.m., MTV2.
THE ST. VALENTINE'S DAY MASSACRE: 8 p.m., History Channel.
A CHARLIE BROWN VALENTINE: Charlie Brown asks a girl to a dance, 8 p.m. Saturday, WFTS-Ch. 28.