They can act, but can they dress?

It's awards season, and the stars are out. Here's what we'd like to see on Oscar's red carpet next month.

By JANET K. KEELER, Times Staff Writer
© St. Petersburg Times
published February 18, 2003

[AP photo] Meryl Streep would look lovely and amazing on Oscar night by putting up her hair and dropping the dowdy sparkles. Think Donna Karan and basic black.

The Academy Awards ceremony is more than a month away, and that's got to be enough time for Meryl Streep to find an outfit as dazzling as her talent. Likewise, for Cameron Diaz to drag a comb through her hair and Sharon Stone to come to her senses.

Film critics ponder the merits of Oscar-nominated actors and their movies. I think about hemlines, necklines, jewelry and which actor will blow it so completely or look so amazing that her ensemble will live long after her movie.

Who will be this award show's Cher? Or J.Lo? Or Lara Flynn Boyle, so silly in pink at last month's Golden Globes?

Remember Bjork wrapped in the feathers of a dying swan at the 2001 ceremony? Sure you do. Recall the movie she was nominated for? Uh, no. (Best original song from Dancer in the Dark.) Then there was the year that best actress nominee Sharon Stone cleverly wore a black Gap turtleneck T-shirt with a velvet skirt and jacket. The movie was Basic Instinct, right? No, Casino, 1996.

This year's nominees are generally a sartorially resplendent bunch. Renee Zellweger (Chicago) has worn vintage Valentino to several recent awards shows and looked fabulous despite being so darn bony. Salma Hayek (Frida) is in the same league as Halle Berry: She looks stunning in everything. Diane Lane (Unfaithful) is likely to smolder with lots of cleavage.

But you never know what sabotage a personal stylist is cooking up. How else to explain the weird getups that Diaz wears? She begged out of the European premiere of Gangs of New York because of a flare-up of acne, she said. And yet she attended the Golden Globes with stringy hair and a bra strap hanging out of her lace minidress. Go figure.

Here's what I'd like to see on who at the March 23 Hollywood extravaganza:

MERYL STREEP. Quick. Who's older? Susan Sarandon, Goldie Hawn or Streep? If you guessed Streep, and who wouldn't from the matronly way she dresses, you're wrong. Hawn is 57, Sarandon is 56 and Streep is the youngest at 53. It's time to fire Armani and his sensible pantsuits and hire Donna Karan to fit her for a classy black tuxedo. And Meryl, honey, put your hair up; the grunge look doesn't work for a woman of such substance.

NICOLE KIDMAN. I can't help but wonder if Kidman was nominated for best actress for The Hours because she was brave enough to cover her beauty with a big nose. That has to be the boldest stroke since Rosie O'Donnell wore dominatrix drag in Exit to Eden. Talk of Kidman's fake nose is beginning to overshadow talk of Michael Jackson's lack of nose. Now, here's an idea. Kidman dons a typically beautiful ensemble, showing off her porcelain skin and long legs, and wears Michael Jackson on her arm. Think of the publicity . . . for him.

SALMA HAYEK. Unlike Kidman, Hayek couldn't completely mask her beauty to play a woman of lesser facial qualities. She went for Frida Kahlo's furry unibrow in the biopic Frida but couldn't quite muster the mustache. For that, she just may lose the Oscar. She's likely, though, to end up on everyone's best dressed list. My prediction is a form-fitting gown that shows off her curves. I'd like to see her give a nod to her Mexican heritage and Kahlo by exchanging the standard diamonds for chunky silver.

CATHERINE ZETA-JONES. If she attends, Zeta-Jones will rely on black to hide her swelling belly. Her second child with husband Michael Douglas is due this spring, and Zeta-Jones is becoming notorious for her image-controlling nature. She and Douglas recently went to court over unauthorized wedding photos in a British tabloid that she said made her look heavy. She should strike a blow for pregnant and normal-sized women everywhere by flaunting what she's got. How lovely she would be in layers of sheer fabric, skimming her stomach loosely and draped at the bottom. Maybe in aubergine or wine to create a fluid line.

[AP photo] Julianne Moore's ensemble for last month's Golden Globes was far from heaven, though the saucer earrings did look they were from outer space. Was there a comb in that clutch bag?

JULIANNE MOORE. She needs to look phenomenal, because there's a chance she could win two Oscars, best actress for Far From Heaven and best supporting actress for The Hours. To do that, Moore must ditch plans for anything quirky, like the funky green earrings and puffy-sleeved dress from the Golden Globes. She should put her red hair back, or better yet, cut it to chin length and go very sleek to accentuate her mysterious Mona Lisa smile.

QUEEN LATIFAH AND KATHY BATES. These two atypical Hollywood actresses can show the rest how it's done. Lately, the Queen has looked royal, showing off her zaftig bosom in Chicago and going more demure in an aqua Escada pantsuit at the Golden Globes. She'll look marvelous and real at Oscar time, but keep your fingers crossed that she doesn't go sparkly, which will make her seem older than her 32 years. Kathy Bates is another actress comfortable in her skin, which she flaunted in a hot tub scene in About Schmidt. She gives normal a good name. Look for her to wear something with a satin drape, possibly in gun metal gray or icy blue.

[AP photo] Sharon Stone showed she was a woman on the verge of a fashion breakdown at the Golden Globes. What happened to the fashion star we once knew, and how far will she go for the Academy Awards?

SHARON STONE. Though she's not nominated, Stone is crying out for a fashion intervention, as witnessed by her gothic hooker garb at the Golden Globes. Has she lost the power to delight us like she did when she wore her husband's crisp white dress shirt with a Vera Wang silk skirt to the 1998 Academy Awards? It's time to get out of the costume shop and back into your own closet, girlfriend.

The men's fashions are never quite as interesting as the women's, are they? Tuxedos or suits; ties or bow ties. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The best we can hope for is a long jacket on Samuel L. Jackson or a bolo on Aussie bad boy Russell Crowe. And it's always fun to wonder what Brad Pitt's hair will look like.

This year, there might be some notable exceptions. Here are two fellows who could provide some excitement:

EMINEM. Cries of a complete sellout will be heard if the real Slim Shady shows up in a tuxedo. The outside rapper has suddenly become a Hollywood insider by snagging a nomination for best song for Lose Yourself from 8 Mile. I wouldn't recommend going shirtless, as he often does in concert, but to wrap himself in Hugo Boss would just be wrong. Think leather, my man, and don't wear a hat or a hooded sweatshirt. Oh yeah, and show a few tattoos.

BONO. Another one-named singer nominated for best song, Bono got the nod with his band U2 for The Hands That Built America from Gangs of New York. Please, oh please, don't let him wear those wraparound sunglasses. He looks like he's just had his eyes dilated. It's tough for a rocker to dress respectably, but he should at least try to look cool. How about a tuxedo jacket with black jeans (but not those hokey fake faded ones!) and white T-shirt? I like it.

And someone has to be brave enough to wear a "Free Dell Dude" T-shirt in honor of Benjamin Curtis, the TV commercial actor facing marijuana possession charges. Woody Harrelson? Tim Robbins?

Now that would be memorable.

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