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IT!
Caught up in Internet pornography
By CECILIA A. TUCKER
© St. Petersburg Times
published February 24, 2003
Part one of two.
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I know this may be an uncomfortable article to read but I think it is time I discuss this issue because pornography seems to be taking over most of my spare time. This whole thing started very innocently.
 I was online looking at teen Web sites and I pushed a prompt about a pop singer. The next thing I knew I was watching some pretty exciting clips that involved pictures like I have never seen before.
I immediately clicked the delete button thinking I had just made a naive and innocent mistake. As the evening progressed, prompts kept appearing on my screen inviting me to other places that seemed to contain the same kinds of pictures. I ignored these prompts the rest of the night and just thought they would go away. Well, was I wrong.
The next day I checked my e-mail and the number of sexually explicit e-mails I had received overnight blew me away. I scrolled down and started the delete process but it seemed the more I deleted the more interested I became in what was hidden behind those intriguing titles.
After deleting what appeared to be hundreds of e-mails, I gave into the temptation and I started opening the sites before I deleted them. One e-mail led to another. Time passed by quickly as I watched what appeared on my computer screen. I was mesmerized by the content of the detailed stories and the uncensored pictures.
I was hooked! It didn't happen over months and years. I was caught up in this new venture in a 24-hour period. I didn't know anything could be so addictive so quickly. I was wrong again.
I kept telling myself this was a passing fad. As the days passed, I found myself sneaking away to check out my newly found interest. I would get up in the morning and go to my computer before I would even go to the bathroom. In the afternoons after school, the computer would be my first place to stop. Once I sat down at the computer, I wouldn't get back up until I was called to dinner.
I stopped doing my homework. I stopped wanting to talk on the phone with my friends. Even on weekends, I started choosing to stay at home rather than go out with my friends. I stayed in my room on the computer for hours, never bothering to even sign off, as I knew I'd be right back.
I went from more innocent sites to more descriptive sites. I had been shocked at first at what I was finding on my computer. Now it seemed I needed to find stuff that was even more risky to view. I would pretend to go to bed and after everyone went to bed, I would get back up and cruise the "sights" again and again.
I needed more and more visual stimulation, as the simple pictures didn't grab my attention anymore like they once did. I thought I could control this new excitement. I was wrong for the third time.
I am an addict. I cannot stop looking and checking the porno sites. Life has become limited to pictures and people on the Internet. I have stopped enjoying most everything in my life. I am irritated when people walk in on me and I have to hide what I am doing. I am a slave to pictures I used to think were disgusting. The excitement I used to feel has waned. I look now because I can't make myself stop. I need help!
Next: Looking for help
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- IT! (Private thoughts of the Indomitable Teen) is written by Cecilia Tucker under the editorial guidance of a panel of teenagers (in exchange for pizza and volunteer hours). Tucker is a licensed marriage and family therapist at the Counseling Center for New Direction in Seminole. Comments are welcome. You may write c/o: IT!, Xpress, the Times, P.O. Box 1121, St. Petersburg, FL 33731, or e-mail Floridian@sptimes.com. If you are interested in being on the teen editorial panel, please contact Cecilia Tucker at revcecilia@msn.com.
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