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Finding joy in turmoil
By RANDOLPH FILLMORE, Special to the Times
They are in their 40s, 50s and 60s. Some are in their 70s and 80s. All are doing the work of younger people, but it is work they know how to do. They are grandparents raising their children's children; in some cases, they are great-grandparents raising their grandchildren's children. Members of Grandparents Raising Grandchildren, a support group founded more than a decade ago that meets three times monthly at the James B. Sanderlin Family Center in St. Petersburg, say their task is part joy and part struggle but the best part is knowing they are not alone. Through each other, they say, they find strength and energy. "You know that these people are here for you when you need them," says Lottie Scott, who is raising three great-grandchildren. Scott attends the gatherings at the Sanderlin Center with her daughter, Estrilia Merry, who is raising her daughter's children. Louvina Green is raising her great-granddaughter, Jessica, who is 11 and came to live with her when she was 3 months old. "Jessica sometimes calls me 'Mom' or 'Grandmom,' and sometimes she calls me 'Great-grandmom,' " Green says. "She is a joy. She keeps me on my toes. She keeps me young. Jessica is doing just marvelous. And you know, it's harder for kids these days." When Jessica came to live with her, Green says, it was almost as if she had never been a parent. "Lord! It was like having a baby around was something new," Green says. "She had to be weaned and potty trained. And now she's talking about going to college!" In 1970, 2.2-million children lived with family caregivers instead of their parents. Today that figure is 5.8-million, says Frederick Strieder, head of the Healthy Grandparent-Families program at the University of Maryland's School of Social Work. Strieder, who has a doctorate in social work, says that since 1990, the number of children being raised by grandparents has increased 30 percent and that 7 percent of families with children younger than 18 have family caregivers other than the children's parents. Grandparents are raising their grandchildren for a number of reasons, Strieder says. In many cases, the parents have died, are in prison or are substance abusers. The children come to relative caregivers from chaotic circumstances and with several problems, many of which are medical and require special care. Becoming a caregiver can be a difficult transition. "The seniors who take care of their grandchildren often become stressed, depressed and socially isolated," Strieder says. Recent research has focused on how seniors, many of whom are retired, living on fixed incomes and often not in the best of health, are dealing with the increased stress associated with stepping back into a parenting role. Research from Georgia State University suggests that grandmothers raising their grandchildren have health risks associated with the stresses of the responsibilities. The stress mayaffect existing health problems, such as hypertension or diabetes.
'A family of families'A Georgia State study of 100 black grandmothers who were raising their grandchildren found that 37 percent had more health problems after becoming caregivers. The study also found that the grandmothers' financial support, either from employment or retirement funds, was not enough to support them and their grandchildren. Brent Elrod of the Florida Kinship Center (www.flkin.org) at the University of South Florida says that support groups such as Grandparents Raising Grandchildren go a long way in helping to minimize health risks to seniors who have taken on what Elrod calls "kinship care." "Kinship care is the full-time care of a child by a relative caregiver other than a biological parent," says Elrod, who has been associated with the support group for seven years. Elrod has helped the group expand its model statewide to include more than 30 similar groups called the Florida Kinship Support Group Network, or FLKIN. Elrod is the FLKIN statewide coordinator. "Through our community partners, kin advocates, funders and digital technology, we are creating a family of families," Elrod says.
More than 345,000 children in Florida are being raised by relatives, Elrod says. Given the state's troubles with foster care, Elrod believes kinship care is a better solution. "In response to that, the Florida Kinship Center was formed to develop, research and disseminate best practices to support groups and agencies that provide service to kinship families," he says. "With an increasing number of children in Florida being raised by relatives, kinship care has become a critical issue." Members of the St. Petersburg group were instrumental in getting the Legislature to pass legislation that improved the state's Relative Caregiver Program in 2002. Pat Hunter of Tampa says that grandparents who suddenly begin caring for their children's children need two kinds of support, emotional and material. When Hunter took on the care of her youngest daughter's two children, age 1 and a newborn, she did not have a support group. She worked at University Village, a retirement community in Tampa, and when the residents heard she was raising two of her grandchildren, they donated clothing, cribs and other necessities.
"I didn't have time to think," says Hunter, who quickly stepped in when she learned that her daughter was incapable of raising her children. "I just went and got them. Mothering came back to me sort of naturally." Hunter, who raised six children of her own, went to parenting classes with the girls, who are now 4 and 5. Grandparents who don't have a good support network should "take one day at a time and make sure you have some time for yourself," she says. Sometimes the grandparenting role means stepping in briefly and on short notice during a family emergency. Researchers say short-term grandparent crisis intervention can be more stressful on seniors than taking over child care for the long haul. Tampa resident Joann Sanderson was thrust into a caregiving role when her daughter's 9-month-old was badly burned in a home accident. "I received a frantic phone call from our daughter while she and our son-in-law were en route to the hospital," Sanderson says. "We packed and headed to North Carolina and basically took charge of the rest of the family while our daughter and son-in-law were with the baby at a burn center in Cincinnati. The baby was given a 10 percent chance of survival."
The other girls, 3 and 12 years old, needed life to continue being as normal as possible, Sanderson says. "Our lives have been put on hold," she says. "We have adjusted to life out of a suitcase. My advice to grandparents who have been thrust into a situation like this is to roll with the punches." Judy Tolsma, one of the grandparents at the Sanderlin meeting, started raising her grandchildren when they were 11 months old and 2 years old. They are now 9 and 11. "The first two years were terrible," Tolsma says. "The children didn't trust anyone. They also had medical problems." Tolsma, like Green and Scott, credit the support group for much of their caregiver successes. The Florida Kinship Center's "Warmline" (toll-free 1-800-640-6444) is a resource caregivers can call for advice and inspiration. This service goes a long way toward providing emotional support and information about resources, Elrod says. "More participants, more voices, will help the support groups leverage state resources and get the recognition, support, and empowerment they need," Elrod says. "The support groups, especially this one, are making a joyful noise . . . and the noise is a voice saying that kinship care works." -- Randolph Fillmore is a freelance writer who lives in Tampa.
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