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Kickin' back with Josh Howard
© St. Petersburg Times, published March 22, 2003
Forward Josh Howard has done it all for Wake Forest, and now he says it all for us. Here he is on mosquitoes, neatness, his shyness, Valentine's Day, popcorn, the lottery and coming of age.
RM: Give me your best mama joke, at least the best one we can publish in a family newspaper.
JH: Oh man ... there are so many. How about, "Your mama is so fat if she sits on a rainbow it'll rain Skittles."
RM: Tell me, why are there mosquitoes on the earth?
JH: Hmmm, what's the purpose of a mosquito? That's a good one. Well, why are we on earth? We are here to survive, so I guess the mosquito is here to survive as well.
RM: Then why do we have an appendix?
JH: I've always wondered that. I guess it's good to have an extra organ, you never know when you're going to need an extra organ.
RM: Okay, smart aleck, what's the deal with alcohol-free beer? Isn't that pointless?
JH: That's for the people who like (the taste). They want to stop drinking alcohol but they really can't. So, they have to have a fix.
RM: What's a pet peeve?
JH: I hate people being nasty.
RM: That's a pretty broad brush.
JH: Well, it's neatness. I went to military school and I've always been the one to clean up and keep stuff in order.
RM: Something people would be surprised to know about you.
JH: I'm shy.
RM: You certainly don't play that way.
JH: I know. That's what I'm saying. It's amazing. And that's why so many people would be shocked. Off the court, I'm a different person.
RM: So, you're not likely to go up to the girl in the club and talk to her?
JH: Right. That's not me. I'm going to wait. If anything, I'll have to build up enough nerve to go ahead and say something to her.
RM: I have a problem with Valentine's Day. I think it's a holiday driven by Hallmarks and the chocolate industry.
JH: I don't know about that. But, it's a woman's thing. Women care about Valentine's. Men don't. I once asked a girl, "Why can't I get gifts and stuff on Valentine's Day?"
RM: Ahhh, Josh, that would not be something I would do too often.
JH: I hear you.
RM: What's on your tombstone?
JH: BLESSED.
RM: That's it?
JH: Nothing else is necessary.
RM: Ever been to Alaska?
JH: No, never, and I don't want to go.
RM: But it's the great northern state. The land of the midnight sun. The last frontier ... all of that stuff.
JH: Let me repeat. I do not want to go.
RM: Why are we at war right now?
JH: That's a good question. I've got my own reasons why we're at war right now, but as for the real reason, I don't know.
RM: Would you mix it up if you had to?
JH: If I had to, I would be in there.
RM: Who was the first person to come up with the idea of popping corn?
JH: Probably a black man.
RM: Why?
JH: I'm sure he was looking for something new to do. We were always for interesting things to do.
RM: And we were around the corn a lot, too.
JH: True ... (laughing).
RM: Why is a bag of popcorn so expensive at the movies?
JH: Where else are you going to get it? It's inflation. They know people want popcorn and enjoy it at the movies. I know I do.
RM: Those things in the road are called manholes, why not personholes, or ...
JH: Pieholes or plateholes, that's what they look like.
RM: You play the Lotto?
JH: In North Carolina I do, all the time.
RM: Give me six numbers between 1 and 50.
JH: Okay ... 1, 2, 5, 20, 25, 28.
RM: I'm gonna tell you now, if I win, I don't know if I'm splitting the money with you.
JH: That's cool. That's on you. If you come back and find me, then more power to you. If not, then you'll be rich.
RM: At what age should a man stop going to nightclubs?
JH: I'm going to say at 27 -- no, actually 26. At that point, you have to move up. Start going to more mature sites. Places better dressed. Where you can't roll in there with tennis shoes. Where you have to wear some nice slacks, and hard-toe shoes, something like that. So there, the ladies will look at you and say, "Like, you're ready to get married." You see, women are ready to get married at 25.
RM: At what age should you start listening to gospel music?
JH: You should always listen to gospel music. No age limit.