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Talking openly about issues of elder abuse
By SHEILA REED, Times Staff Writer I know a handful of women who have been victims of domestic abuse. Most of these women are in their 30s or 40s. I don't know any seniors, women or men, who are in such relationships -- at least, I don't think I do. While it's not unusual for 21st-century couples to air their dirty laundry and more in public, people from older generations probably don't find much value in talking openly about such matters. Still waters run deep, I suppose. But now I ponder the intent behind such sayings as "Loose lips sink ships," "This doesn't go beyond the kitchen table" or "What goes on behind closed doors, stays behind closed doors." The issue of elder abuse might be happening right under my nose and I don't know it. I recently talked with Bonnie Quick, Community Outreach/Elder Advocate with the Center Against Spouse Abuse (CASA) in St. Petersburg, to discuss some of the issues associated with elder abuse. Quick is involved in a program that targets underserved populations of domestic violence. It is a grant-funded project by the Violence Against Woman Act (VAWA). "The biggest issue with elder abuse is underreporting because people are embarrassed and fearful. There is so much shame associated in situations where people you love abuse you," Quick said. Some of the latest statistics show "elder abuse is much more underreported when the abuse is between a child and parent, it's about 1 out of 14 cases. "Elder abuse is not a subject anyone wants to talk about," said Quick, who writes about the issue in a Seniority guest column this month. But the stories are all too real, and sad. In the case of elder abuse, the perpetrators can be a spouse, children, grandchildren, other relatives or caregivers. Physical abuse is the most obvious and easily recognized form of abuse. Things such as pinching, slapping, kicking, pushing, or unexplained bruises are strong indicators that abuse is occurring. "But not all abuse is physical," Quick said. "Abuse includes emotional, psychological, economic, intimidation, isolation, coercion and many other behaviors which reinforce control over the victim." Neglect is also a form of abuse. Things such as withholding food, medication, taking away glasses, walkers, wheelchairs or ignoring an elder's hygiene can be considered criminal acts. Verbal or emotional abuse takes the form of false accusations, ridicule, intimidation, harassment, name calling, and behavior that makes the victim feel crazy. "An abuser may also threaten to leave, divorce, or institutionalize the victim to get the victim to do what he wants," Quick said. There are many signs that indicate someone is being abused. A few cited in CASA materials include: Being deprived of contact with the outside world. Being controlled, not being allowed to make your own decisions. Always being afraid. Being told you are a bad person. Having your personal things destroyed or your pet threatened. Loss of control over retirement benefits. No control over finances, household decisions. Older women often need additional help to get out of a bad situation. Here are few things to consider, also from CASA: It's safe to talk. Your abuser will not be involved, without your consent. Domestic violence programs are prepared to offer them support, advocacy, safety planning, shelter, etc. Financial options. How to create a safety plan, whether you plan to stay or plan to go. CASA has a 24-hour crisis line at 727-895-4912 (Linda Osmundson, is the executive director of CASA); or the Florida Domestic Violence hotline at 1-800-500-1119; Elder Abuse Reports 1-800-962-2873; or the Senior Helpline at 727-576-1533. It's difficult to imagine anyone, at any age, being a victim of abuse. Abuse is one of life's ugly realities, but it doesn't have to be a reality you live with, or that kills you. Take time to educate yourself, and care for yourself. You do not deserve to be abused. More content to analyze Last month we introduced five features in Seniority: The Link Tank by Nancy Paradis, Body of Information by Tom Valeo, Suddenly Senior by Frank Kaiser, The Mature Traveler by Adele Malott and Ask Social Security. Now we invite you to check out three more additions to Seniority. Some columns will appear monthly and others will be featured occasionally. Here's what's new in this edition: Guest columnist. Bonnie L. Quick, Community Outreach/Elder Advocate for the Center Against Spouse Abuse (CASA), writes about domestic violence among the elderly. In this feature, experts from a variety of fields will have an opportunity to write about a topic or issue that affects the senior population. Growing Older by Jolayne Farrell. You're never too old to gather a few more words of wisdom. That's the premise of Growing Older, a question and answer column on health. Jolayne Farrell, a registered nurse with a master's degree in public health/gerontology, provides insight on aging and how to do it well. (Although Jolayne Farrell welcomes questions from readers, individual replies cannot be provided.) Quote-acrostic by Charles Preston. Have we got a few choice words for you. In fact, puzzle players might find this literary challenge a real brain tease. Quote-acrostic is a multi-layered word game that requires players to find clues and transfer the letters to the corresponding solution grid. When the solution grid is complete, it will contain a quote and the author's name. We didn't say it would be easy, but we hope you have fun.
-- Sheila Reed, Seniority editor, can be reached at (727) 893-8452 or toll-free, 1-800-333-7505, ext. 8452. Write to her in care of the St. Petersburg Times, P.O. Box 1121, St. Petersburg, FL 33731; or send e-mail to sreed@sptimes.com.
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