Married to the Military

Spouse's deployment can have its advantages

This week, Brandon Times launches a new feature. Lory Johnston of Valrico chronicles the life of an Army wife. Her husband is assigned to Central Command.

By LORY JOHNSTON
© St. Petersburg Times
published March 28, 2003

Every time my husband has to leave on a deployment, training exercise or some type of temporary duty, it is always a sad time. It is hard on the whole family. He is reluctant to say good-bye and the kids and I hate to see him leave.

But after more than 15 years in the military, we are slowly getting accustomed to being by ourselves for brief and extended periods of time.

It is never easy. This is usually when cars make odd sounds, dogs get loose and light bulbs burn out. I always expect some type of minor catastrophe to happen so that I can mutter words I don't normally say under my breath -- directed, of course, at my husband.

When our sons had the chicken pox (at two separate times), he was not around to give them oatmeal baths. When our older son had to get stitches in his forehead, he was not there to take him to the emergency room. (I really could have used his calm attitude.)

He has missed countless soccer, baseball and basketball games, award ceremonies and school programs.

So when my husband is not at home, I always try to think, feel and be positive. Even though the kids and I would prefer to have their Dad here at home with us, there are a few good reasons for NOT having him around.

The first would be laundry -- or the lack of it. This made an even greater difference when the boys were smaller. It is surprising the impact that one large man and his clothing make on a household chore.

The second is cooking -- or the lack of it. When I go to the commissary or supermarket, I buy different items than I normally do: fish sticks, hot dogs, canned ravioli, etc. (I notice the same items in other carts, too!)

I do actually cook meals while he is away, but not as often as usual. It is much easier to pack us all up and go to their favorite fast food place. I think that the kids enjoy eating much better when their Dad is away. I wonder why?

The third reason would have to be less primping. There is no need to shave my legs as often as I normally would. Make-up is worn less as each day goes by.

Instead of spending time in hot rollers, I put my hair in a ponytail. I have to admit that it is nice to get ready and be out the door in less than 15 minutes. Of course, my husband will never be aware of this possibility!

I know the fourth reason is very selfish of me, but it's great, if only for a short while: full control of the television remote.

After the kids are asleep, I am able to catch up on talk shows, chick flicks and decorating shows. I never knew that the Lifetime channel existed until a field exercise a few years ago.

There are times when I am thrilled to have the whole bed to myself, but then I notice that there is no one to warm my feet. (Our dog doesn't count.)

So even though there might be a few positive reasons for my husband being deployed, it can never outweigh the emptiness the kids and I feel when their father is not here.

Our family is just not complete without him.

-- This week, Brandon Times launches a new feature. Lory Johnston of Valrico chronicles the life of an Army wife. Her husband is assigned to Central Command.

-- Lory Johnston and her family were last stationed in Kansas. Although she waits patiently for Hawaii, she has decided that Florida is a good compromise. Watch for more of her essays in future editions of Brandon Times.