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IT! War is not healthy . . . is it?
By CECILIA A. TUCKER
© St. Petersburg Times
published March 31, 2003
I heard a piece of music last week that clearly expresses my thoughts and feelings about war. When I heard it, I listened with great intensity as the feelings in me stirred and I found myself pondering the words days after I heard it.
 When the announcement came in the middle of the week that the war would soon start and there would be no more chances for reconsideration, this song became even more of a reality to me.
The song was If the War Goes On and it was written by John L. Bell. I can't express my feelings any more passionately than this song does.
* * *
If the war goes on and the children die of hunger,
And the old men weep, for the young men no more.
And men and women learn how to dance without a partner,
Who will keep the score?
* * *
If the war goes on and the truth is taken hostage,
And new terrors lead to the need to euphemize;
When the calls for peace are declared unpatriotic;
Who'll expose the lies?
* * *
If the war goes on and the rich increase their fortunes,
And the arms sales soar as new weapons are displayed;
When a fertile field turns to no-man's land tomorrow,
Who'll approve such trade?
* * *
If the war goes on, will we close the doors to heaven?
If the war goes on, will we breach the gates of hell?
If the war goes on, will we ever be forgiven?
If the war goes on.
* * *
I know this music sounds gloomy and pessimistic but it is how I feel. I am afraid of war. I don't want people to die. I know people that have been deployed to serve our country and I don't want anything to happen to them. Even if they don't get hurt or die, they will never be the same again after this experience.
Death scares me because I am still young. When I see interviews of people serving our country, I realize some of them are not much older than I am. I listen to the news and hear this is to be a short war but what if it is not? What if this is the beginning of a long and drawn out war?
As I have studied the wars in which the United States has participated, it looks as if they never seem to be over as quickly as our leaders have predicted. I know this sounds selfish, but I might be called to fight and I don't want to have to make the decision to fight or run from "defending our country."
I am not against the men and women serving our country, I am just afraid, no, I am petrified of the thought of having to leave my home and family.
Religious people all over the world seem to be praying for peace and yet we are in the midst of war. I told my mom just today, I would keep praying but I am not sure what good if any, that will do. It seems to me that God, or whomever you address as your higher power, loves all people and so how do I pray and for whom?
I see people everywhere searching for safety and peace. I watch the suspiciousness all around me. I even find myself looking over my shoulder and wondering if something bad will happen to me.
This is a scary time for every nation and all people. Sometimes when I can't sleep at night, worrying about all of this stuff, I just pray that humankind will find a more peaceful way to live and accept each other.
I am so divided with my emotions. Watching the news and waiting for the next event to occur seems to be surrounding me on all sides. I can't get away from the talk in our classrooms, the news on television, the newspaper, or even the protesters standing on busy corners.
The heightened sense of security makes me think I am living in a "foreign" country instead of the safe "United States of America." Seeing police officers and soldiers with guns is becoming a more common sight and not just in the airports.
Even going to Disney or Busch Gardens doesn't seem like a good idea right now. The targeted places for potential terrorism seem to be looming everywhere.
Where can I go and feel safe again? My home, family, friends and school seem to be safe places for me for now. When I am in one of these places and with people I feel most safe, I find myself forgetting at times what is going on elsewhere. Denial is a great place for me to go when I need to escape the reality of this thing we call "war."
There are no safe places for some people. The thought of teenagers my age dying even as I write these words, give me cold chills. How can that be?
I have played with the thought of what I would do if I were the president of this country and I find myself compromised even as he must feel. A part of me wants to just make peace and mind my own business.
Another part of me believes we need to focus just on our country. Maybe if I were president, I would ask for a popular vote of the people. Maybe I would resign. Maybe I too would decide it was time to go to war and try and help the other countries of the world.
I have no good answers and I am not sure our government leaders do either. I have a hard time believing that killing and destroying are our only answers. I am sure there is a lot of information that the average citizen doesn't know and understand but I do know we seem not to be able to make peace with one another. Is there always a "bad" and "good" side?
I don't think I will ever be the president but it is possible I might be called to serve my country in the military. What will I do if this happens? Sometimes I think I would leave the country and move to Canada. I might try to get a medical exemption so I would not have to serve. Maybe I would apply for a non-combat position or be a conscientious objector. I also might decide to go and fight even though I wouldn't want to kill anyone.
I know though, if I had to decide to kill or die, I am pretty sure I would kill the other person before I would choose to be killed. Just the thought of having to kill another person puts me in a compromising position. Is killing right sometime but not other times? Who has the right to make that decision? Surely not me as a teenager, at least that's what I have always been taught up to now!
Will the rules change if I am called on to serve in the military?
War, what is it all about? I think of airplanes, the draft, dead bodies, nuclear weapons and warfare, bio-chemical attacks, media reports, people dying, lives being changed forever, and danger to all.
Most of all when I think of war, I can't seem to dismiss the loss of lives and the blood shed of innocent people everywhere.
If the war goes on.
- IT! (Private thoughts of the Indomitable Teen) is written by Cecilia Tucker under the editorial guidance of a panel of teenagers (in exchange for pizza and volunteer hours). Tucker is a licensed marriage and family therapist at the Counseling Center for New Direction in Seminole. Comments are welcome. You may write c/o: IT!, Xpress, the Times, P.O. Box 1121, St. Petersburg, FL 33731, or e-mail Floridian@sptimes.com. If you are interested in being on the teen editorial panel, please contact Cecilia Tucker at revcecilia@msn.com.
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