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Guest column
© St. Petersburg Times, published April 2, 2003
Whether you were formerly a Michigander, a New Yorker or an Illinoisan, or are from one of many other states, there should be a time when you cross over the line psychologically as well as physically and become a real Floridian.
Like other popular states, Florida is full of people who were not born here, and any time a person refuses to adjust to the state in which he lives, it is usually a negative force in his life. Here are some benchmarks by which you can tell you have begun to adjust and become a real Floridian:
If you call 70 degrees "cool" and you begin to put on jackets and sweaters when the temperature is in the 50s, then you know you have adjusted. During the winter, you can tell the tourists from the natives right away. The tourists have shorts and T-shirts on while the people who live here and have adjusted to the mild climate are all bundled up.
If you have gotten used to giant roaches and call them by another name, and if you have begun to say stuff like "no-see-ums," you have become a real Floridian. Also, if you see lizards crawling all around your sidewalks and near your car and you don't freak out, you know you have passed the test of Floridianism. One of the most comical scenes I saw recently was a tourist going ballistic because a little lizard was near his car. Heck, some Floridians would probably take the lizard for a ride, along with their dog, and they all would have a good time.
If long-lost relatives and friends suddenly find you again and treat you like their best buddy, then you know you are living in Florida. If you were living in, say, Iowa, it is doubtful that those long-ago friends and relatives would suddenly think you are the greatest person in the world, because they would not be quite as eager to visit you. But especially during the winter, when they live up there and you live down here, you will find your newfound popularity is overwhelming, and you had better either warm up the guest room or avoid answering the phone.
When you get used to not factoring ice and snow into your driving, throw away your snow shovel forever, very rarely if ever scrape ice off your windshield and use your rear window defogger mostly for removing morning "steam" from the windshield, you have become a real Floridian. And, boy, will you be happy about that.
Those are just some small benchmarks. You will probably have to adjust to the political climate of the state as well, such as folks voting to pass stuff that costs billions of dollars or politicians with little or no educational experience becoming university presidents.
But every state has its own peculiarities politically. I once tried for a job in Massachusetts and found out that I was up against a candidate personally sponsored by Sen. Ted Kennedy.
Whatever the shortcomings of this state are, my advice would always be to become a full citizen in any state in which you live. And Florida is an easy state to like and to live in. So welcome to the Sunshine State, y'all.
Just don't write your relatives and tell them how great this place is.
Douglas Spangler, a writer and former university administrator, lives in Palm Harbor.