Taking care of Richard

Ethel Melton has taken care of her blind, autistic son all his life. Now she has cancer. And she worries about Richard's future.

[Times photo: Skip O’Rourke]

Ethel Melton, 58, in the background, lives with her son Richard, 40, in a mobile home in rural Hillsborough County. Blind since birth, Richard is also autistic. Here, he feels the bumper of a toy Mustang to distinguish it from another car.

PLANT CITY - I'm Ethel Melton. I was born in the country, in Tennessee - Elvis country, just 30 miles from Memphis.

I used to want to be a country singer. Then I got married when I was 16. To Lee Melton Jr. I got pregnant right after I got married. Our first son, Richard, he was born after we moved. He was born here in Plant City, in December, just after I'd turned 17.

Richard was a pretty baby. He was 8 pounds, 8 ounces, 22 inches long. I didn't notice for a few weeks, or didn't worry about it. But then I saw he never looked at you. He'd follow your sound, turn his head. But his eyes didn't go there. Didn't focus, really. When he was 2 months old, we found out he was blind.

It hurt me. Oh, I cried. And everyone kept asking me, "Are you gonna put him in a home?" And I said, "No. He's got a home. Here with me is his home. Long as I'm around, he's got this home here with me."

So my husband and I had him all checked out. The doctors did all kinds of tests on him, all the time he was growing up. He doesn't have any retinas. So they couldn't help him see. And he's got a brain tumor. Bad, since his birth. But it's way down there inside his brain, too deep to do anything about it. And they think that's why he has autism. He's autistic. And he has diabetes, and he needs insulin every day. So I had to learn to do all his shots and stuff, and I guess I just adapted. . . . Richard never crawled. I taught him to walk, myself, when he was about 2. I'd stand him up and hold him there for a minute. Then I'd walk away, real quiet, and call to him across the kitchen. And he would start sort of stumbling toward me, following my voice. Then he got his balance better, and he got to walking. And now he can feed himself and dress himself, too.

Richard is 40 now. He's been with me this whole time. Always us, together.

Oh, we just talk and talk and he rocks and rocks on that sofa, mostly, and he likes to play with his toy cars and this little plastic organ that makes music. And I get my housework done, clean this trailer while I watch my soap operas here, Days of Our Lives and Passions. And Richard, he listens sometimes. He knows who Hope and Bo are. And at 3 o'clock we switch channels and watch In the Heat of the Night. And sometimes we watch JAG after dinner. And we listen to country music. And sometimes we sing. Oh, he likes country music. Don't you, Richard?"

("Tim McGraw," Richard says, nodding. "I like Tim McGraw.")

And I have another son, Jeffrey, who's 34. He lives here with us, too. He's divorced, and I have two grandboys by him. Jeffrey, he's my youngest boy. But he says Richard is my baby. And he's right. We just spend all our time here, together, me and Richard. Except when we go to the doctor's. We, both of us, have to see lots of doctors. But mostly we stay here, and we talk and talk. And sometimes, every once in a while, he'll just roll over and say, "Mama, I love you." He still calls me Mama.

I try to take care of him as best I can.

But that's what worries me. What's worrying me most, I guess: No one can take care of him like I can.

And what happens when I can't anymore?

I have cancer. Lung cancer. Bad, in both lungs.

I'd never been sick in my life before.

When I first got diagnosed with cancer, it scared me to death. Oh, I cried and cried and cried. I just kept worrying for Richard. I got depressed, really. I'm only 58. I got a kid to take care of.

In June, the doctor said it was so bad he had to do surgery. And he took half my left lung. The top half.

He thought he got all the cancer then.

And while I was in the hospital, for nine days, Richard's dad and his dad's sister Dorothy took Richard in and took care of him. His dad lives nearby. We've been divorced now six years. We were married 30 years. And now we're divorced.

But he's never said he could take care of Richard if something happens to me. He helps. But he's never done it for more than a few days. And he's never done it at all alone.

I mean, if something happens to me, my mother is dead. She just died in January. And Richard's other grandmother, his dad's mom, she can't take care of him. My sister-in-law, Dorothy, she talks to me about it. She says I have to get some papers signed and decide what to do. She says I have to find someone to look after him. But she doesn't volunteer. She helps a lot. She drives us to the doctors and the grocery store because I don't have a car. But I don't think she could take care of Richard by herself all the time if something did happen to me.

So I don't know what I'll do.

Last fall, the doctors did some biopsies again. And then I had to do radiation. And then they thought that was over.

But now I'm on chemo. Almost every Wednesday, I go get the treatment. And the lady from Lifepath Hospice comes and checks my blood and asks how I'm doing, and I tell her I'm fine.

But I worry about Richard.

I gotta get well for him. No one can take care of him like his mama can.

I think God knows I'm needed here still. That's why he hasn't taken me yet. He knows I've got more important things to do down here.

See, I feel like Richard was a special gift to me, for some reason. I know he makes me happy. He's someone I can let know he's loved and be there for him all the time.

He's someone who is always here with me.

So my dream? Well, my dream for him would have been to see. I wish he could have grown up being able to see this world, get married and have his own kids.

What? For me? My dream? Well, remember I said I used to want to be a country singer? Well, now I guess my dream really is to get well. So I can keep taking care of my baby. So I don't have to worry about him, about someone else trying to look after him. I can't let him go in a home. He wouldn't make it.

And I guess, in a way, I still get to be a country singer, you know? I mean, I sing a lot here at home, with Richard. We sing gospel music to the church shows on the radio Sunday mornings and country music sometimes all afternoon. And we live out here in the country, still.

And in the country, you can sing just as loud as you like.

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