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Okay class, take out a pencil

A test for the Tampa Bay sports fan ...

Published May 25, 2003

1. Bucs coach Jon Gruden is spending his vacation:

a. In Gibraltar, pounding the rock.

b. In Hooters, pounding the wings.

c. In Oakland, making faces at Al.

d. In the Bat cave, scouting every sumo wrestler in Japan.

2. The next Tampa Bay owner to ask for a new stadium will be:

a. Vince Naimoli, who will want to build a home for the Rays at the site of Florida Power Park.

b. Bill Davidson, who will want to build a home for the Lightning in North Tampa.

c. Rich DeVos, who wants to build a home for the Magic at the Brandon mall.

d. Malcolm Glazer, who will want to build a home for Bucs at the corner of Hollywood and Vine.

3. Someday the Rays will:

a. Seem as dominant as the Yankees.

b. Play as competitively as the Twins.

c. Think as creatively as the A's.

d. Pay as freely as McDonald's.

4. The Oakland Raiders really lost the Super Bowl to the Bucs because:

a. Rich Gannon got into bad habits.

b. Barret Robbins got into Mexico.

c. Gruden got into their heads.

d. The sun got into their eyes.

5. Everyone seems to have a preferred nickname for Bucs vice presidents and Joel and Bryan Glazer. What do they call each other?

a. Animal and Hawk.

b. Chip and Dale.

c. Batman and Robin.

d. Koufax and Drysdale.

6. The person who has to replace Warren Sapp as Bucs defensive tackle is:

a. Dewayne White.

b. Ellis Wyms.

c. Rich McKay

d. Entering junior high in the fall.

7. The movie that reminds you of the Lightning is:

a. Slap Shot, because those guys were on their way here.

b. Mystery, Alaska, because of the team's underdog nature.

c. The Mighty Ducks, because of the humor.

d. The Invisible Man, because of the ownership.

8. The Olympics rejected Tampa Bay's bid because:

a. Not enough high-speed trains.

b. Too many Waffle Houses, not enough International Houses of Pancakes.

c. Too close to Atlanta.

d. Emmitt told them Gruden and McKay were arguing.

9. Deep down, Lou Piniella wonders this about the Rays:

a. Is Rocco Baldelli really this good?

b. Is Joe Kennedy going to take the next step?

c. Can Josh Hamilton straighten himself out to become a star?

d. Any word from the parole board?

10. At this very moment, Lightning owner Bill Davidson is:

a. Working on a contract extension for John Tortorella.

b. Urging a trade for a top-flight defenseman.

c. Trash-talking Red Wings owner Mike Ilich.

d. Wearing his Detroit Pistons Underoos.

11. Lightning goaltender Nikolai Khabibulin will show up with a good attitude this year:

a. Because he's a professional.

b. Because he realizes he didn't play well enough in the playoffs.

c. Because he respects his coaches.

d. Because he's gonna get a kajillion dollars to do so.

12. The Gators' first season under coach Ron Zook was:

a. A tangled mess of underachievement.

b. A rough transition between two great eras.

c. Unmarred by temptation to sell championship rings.

d. Fine ... if you're South Carolina.

13. The Seminoles' last season was:

a. A tangled mess of underachievement.

b. An unfortunate set of coincidences.

c. An example of how kids have changed.

d. The media's fault.

14. The baseball movie that reminds you the most of the Rays is:

a. Field of Dreams, because we built it and they came.

b. Eight Men Out, because something here needs to be fixed.

c. The Rookie, because it said much about hope and perseverance.

d. Major League, only without all the talent.

15. You know you listen to too much radio sports talk if you:

a. Tell the kids to buy their own darned car, and then they can listen to Radio Disney.

b. Offer to mail Steve Duemig your lunch money if he'll stop yelling at you.

c. Find yourself debating USF volleyball with T.J. Rives.

d. Have a favorite sports chick.

16. At any moment, the Rays attendance could pick up because:

a. School is letting out.

b. The Yankees are coming.

c. Finally, Jason Tyner Bobblehead night.

d. Like Miami, the Rays are jumping to the ACC!

17. A statue commemorating former Bucs owner Hugh Culverhouse should be built:

a. At One Buc Place.

b. In front of Raymond James Stadium.

c. In the parking lot that used to be the Big Sombrero.

d. Face down.

18. Dexter Jackson's trophy for Super Bowl MVP should be:

a. Incentive for Dwight Smith to keep it in the holster.

b. Motivation for the Cardinals to sell season tickets.

c. Nostalgia for Larry Brown.

d. Simeon Rice's hood ornament.

19. Malcolm Glazer wants to buy the Dodgers because:

a. He wants a team in a major market.

b. He wants to hang around with Tommy Lasorda.

c. He wants to take them back to Brooklyn.

d. He was going to buy the Rays, but the sticker shock scared him.

20. The football movie that reminds you most of the Bucs is:

a. Little Giants, because of the franchise's small beginnings.

b. Remember the Titans, because of the inspirational story.

c. Any Given Sunday, because of the tough lessons learned along the way.

d. The Day the Earth Stood Still, for obvious reasons.

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