We could write a comedy out of the antics surrounding the 2003 legislative sessions, but so much of the material lends itself more to tragedy.
The Florida Constitution invites lawmakers to town for 60 days every year so they can pass a budget, accept and approve bills written by sugar and telephone lobbyists and consume as much free food and booze as possible.
Their only real task is adopting a budget. It took two attempts, but we managed to get a budget - of sorts - approved this week. It's only $53.5-billion. And everyone already is talking about the need to change some things in it.
One Times reader suggests lawmakers should have to pay their own expenses for special sessions when they fail to complete their work on time. Not a bad idea.
Gov. Jeb Bush likes to point out how much better off we are than some other states. That's true, but when you are in pain, it helps little to be reminded that others are suffering, too.
All 50 states have budget problems of varying seriousness, but generally speaking, the bigger the state, the bigger the problems. California, for example, faces a $30-billion deficit. Florida was one of a few states that actually had more money this year than last.
But we also had some pretty big demands, several of which were imposed by voters, who have approved a series of constitutional amendments during the past few years requiring lawmakers to build a high-speed rail system, reduce the number of children in every school classroom, stop smoking in every workplace and pay more to operate the courts.
As best I can tell, the pregnant pigs are not demanding money. If you've been on another planet, you would be surprised to know that Florida became the first state to extend certain rights to pigs. We cannot keep a pregnant pig in a cage unless the pig can easily turn around. So far, no one is demanding a pig police force, but it would fit right into our comedic tragedy if someone did.
We've read a lot lately about reporters at other newspapers who have confessed to making things up. Fortunately, we have enough real lunacy around us to keep us going for years without having to dream it up.
Where else would the House speaker open each day with "It's a great day in the state of Florida" and close each session with a song descriptive of the day?
Where else would the Senate president offer advice for staying sober from the podium as his members were forced to adjourn for a few hours while they waited for the House to vote?
Actually, Senate President Jim King used the code word "vitamins" as he urged his members against overindulging during a break that left time for everyone to trek to the nearest watering hole. But everyone knew what he meant.
On June 16, lawmakers will return for yet another run at passing medical malpractice reforms. Doctors are closing their practices, abandoning emergency rooms and complaining about escalating costs of malpractice insurance.
The doctors blame trial lawyers and vice versa. This battle gets so emotional that no one is rational.
The lawyers drag in horribly burned and maimed victims and children who lost their fathers to demonstrate their plight.
The doctors descend on the Capitol in white coats and make idiots of themselves booing and jeering King, who holds their professional lives in his hands.
But they topped themselves this week by mailing out petri dishes filled with a strange-looking goo and asking lawmakers where they would go if the dish contained the SARS virus and no doctors were working at emergency rooms. After anthrax spores sent through the mail caused deaths, you can imagine how this was received.
