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Once, his words would have been outrageous. Now, they're just tiring.
Once, his voice would have sounded dangerous. Now, it sounds desperate.
Once, the latest stupidity from Mike Tyson would have caused us all to shout him down. Now, we just want him to go away.
Can the guy just shut up? Can he take his asinine statements and the snarling through the bars and the silly chest-thumping and just move far, far away? Join the circus. Become a pro wrestler. Marry Anna Nicole Smith.
Whatever.
Just go.
Hasn't Tyson gotten the message by now? His time is up. He was voted off the island so long ago that, at the time, it was still fresh to suggest someone was voted off the island.
Tyson hasn't been a boxer for a long time, and he hasn't been entertaining for years and, these days, he's no longer even a curiosity. He's just another clown with a painted face making as much noise as possible. He's just another shock jock who, frankly, is out of juice.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those were terrible things that Tyson said to Fox TV about Desiree Washington, his rape victim 12 years ago.
He said he didn't rape her then, but he would like to now. Her mother, too. He called her "a reptilian monster."
Yes, they are awful, mean-spirited thoughts. Then again, Tyson is an awful, mean-spirited thug. Is this news to anyone?
By now, anything Tyson says is babble. One day, he's going to rip out Lennox Lewis' heart and feed it to him, and the next, he's going to eat children. One day, he's blaming his problems on being too rich too soon, and the next, he's threatening to stomp on the children of his interviewers.
Right, Mike.
Get back to us when you have some new material, you hear?
As a nation, we usually love it when someone says something dumb. A slip of the tongue, a dark idea voiced, and the next thing you know, you're a Dixie Chick. We'll pile righteous outrage all over you.
After Tyson's latest little pro-hate monologue, it's hard to work up a lather. When you stop taking someone seriously, how can you take anything he says seriously? The guy's a cartoon. You might as well get worked up over the Joker trying to take over Gotham City.
Anyone with sense ignores Tyson these days. The guy could call out a cure for SARS, and no one would bother to write it down. He's a midway barker trying to drum up interest for his own sideshow as the crowd passes.
You know who Tyson is? He is Marilyn Manson. He is Andrew Dice Clay. He is Tonya Harding. He is Jerry Springer. He is Dennis Rodman. He is all the things that used to shock us before we became numb to their sad, annoying rap.
Now? He is an unpleasant bit of noise in the distance.
Tyson's act is as old as Alice Cooper's. One guy painted his face and kissed a snake. The other tattooed his face and bit opponents. I call it a draw.
On the other hand, Alice landed a few more hits.
This is the sad, desperate part of this. At the heart of Tyson's strange, twisted statements is a guy trying as hard as he can to get you to buy one more pay-per-view fight. And shame on anyone who bothers.
Long ago, Tyson was a dangerous boxer. Then his skills left him and he went into the business of being dangerous by design. He billed himself like a pro wrestler. Come and see the uncontrollable Tyson! Wait until you see what he does this time!
The thing is, even that isn't working anymore. How many concert tickets do you buy before you get tired of watching Ozzy Osbourne bite the head off a bat?
You can almost picture Tyson scripting this. He gets on a television show, and he says something outrageous. Gee, he thinks. What's a bigger shock than eating children? Well, how about bringing up the whole rape charge again? Yessiree, that will shake them up in the suburbs.
Funny. When Tyson was found guilty of rape, his defenders lined up to suggest that his victim was only making the charge so she could benefit financially. A dozen years later, and Tyson is the one using the crime to try to stir the cash register.
There was a time when America cared very much about Tyson. But there was a time it was all wrapped up in that Aaron Burr duel, too.
The nation has moved on, too. It has endured Tyson, and it has turned him off.
There is a great comedy bit about a shock talk radio host desperately trying to get someone to call his show. He keeps saying offensive things, and it doesn't work. The phones stay dead. No matter how hate-filled his statements are, no matter how loud he shouts them, the phones simply will not ring.
Today, that's Tyson, trying to shock someone with his bluster. No one is listening. No one cares.
Don't wait by the phone, Mike. We hung up on you a long time ago.