Enron stole the retirements of its employees. Enron stole the money of investors.
Enron's lies cost investors something like $68-billion in market value.
That's B, billion. Enron's lies allowed it to steal $800-million in the form of lost pension investments.
So here is my deal for you.
The day that Kenneth Lay, Enron's former chairman and buddy of Bill Clinton and George W. Bush, spends ONE MINUTE in jail ...
I'm not talking about the underlings who are getting scapegoated. I want the big kahuna.
On that day, then sure, let's go after Martha for avoiding a $45,000 stock loss.
That's T, as in thousand.
Forty-five THOUSAND.
Here's another reason I am for Martha.
Just this April, 10 large firms on Wall Street agreed to pay back $1.4-billion - that's B, billion - after being accused of misleading their customers about which stocks to buy.
See, customers are supposed to be able to trust their brokers to get good advice. But these firms were accused of pushing stocks that they themselves knew were bum. They had their own, side business relationships with those stocks.
I also am for Martha because of the Financial Times of London.
Last year, that publication reported that the top executives and directors of the 25 largest U.S. companies to go bankrupt since January 2001 had pocketed $3.3-billion. They did this mostly by cashing out their own stock, knowing it was going to tank before the unsuspecting public found out.
That's B, as in ... oh, never mind.
I am for Martha because of WorldCom. I am for Martha because of Adelphia. I am for Martha because of Rite Aid, Conseco and Arthur Andersen. I also am for Martha because of the laughable and toothless Harvey Pitt, former head of the Securities and Exchange Commission.
In sum, rich white men with connections walk away with billions.
And we indict Martha?
We're not even indicting her for alleged insider trading. Basically, we're indicting her because she had the gall to keep insisting she was innocent after the government set its sights on her.
"Martha Stewart is being prosecuted not for who she is, but for what she did," harrumphed James B. Comey, the U.S. Attorney for the Southern District of New York.
Now, really.
A man who tells such an insulting, fatuous, laughable lie to the entire nation - while strutting, of course, like a peacock in front of the TV cameras - a man like that ought not to be allowed to be a U.S. attorney at all.
What a buffoon! What an awful liar. The Iraqi information minister was more believable. Bill Clinton told better lies even on an off day. Last night, somewhere in this land, a husband tried to sneak into his house at 3 a.m., got caught, claimed he had a flat tire, and even HE was a better liar than this James B. Comey fellow.
Do you want to know the real laugher of the whole dot-com, Enron, WorldCom, Wall Street collapse?
They still don't get it. The culture of overpaid CEOs and fast-and-loose accounting has not changed.
Just a few DAYS after the big brokerages agreed to pay $1.4-billion in fines at the end of April, a Bear Stearns analyst turned right around and appeared in a promotional Web ad announcing a new IPO, initial public offering.
Oh, yeah, and it might take at least a year and half or so before misled investors get any of that $1.4-billion.
Lastly, I am for Martha because of Kmart. She started out with Kmart before she became a megastar, and she stuck with Kmart. Loyalty ought to count for something.
It was fun to make fun of Martha when she was perfect. But now, you know what she is? She is bread and circuses, that's what. She is the U.S. Justice Department's version of bread and circuses, worth $45,000, while others who steal billions get away with it.
