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Weight obsession
A brush with anorexia leads teen to change eating, dieting habits.
By JACKY JOHNSON
Published June 9, 2003
It felt so good to see the pounds melting away, to hear the compliments everywhere I went, to fit into a double 0 and still retain some air.
Every morning I examined myself in the mirror, gauging the flatness of my stomach for later comparison. There were so many girls that were thinner than I was, that looked better than I did. They had never experienced the constant ridicule or the shame of being a social outcast. They would never have to worry about getting fat.
I first learned that I could lose weight in seventh grade when I got back into soccer after a season's absence. The pounds melted off like butter, slowly at first, and then faster and faster. When my mom got onto a low-fat diet it seemed natural that I do it with her. Of course, this only deepened my growing obsession with weight.
Everything that I ate had to be low in fat. I would pick the cheese off, or scrape away the mayonnaise. Any small splurge created a wave of guilt.
On nonsoccer practice nights, I was in my room doing some high-energy workout regime. Crunches, push ups, jump rope for 10 minutes; I relished the feel of sweat pouring down my face, testifying to the loss of calories.
By the end of eighth grade, I had lost nearly 40 pounds. I told myself that I did not want to lose more, that I was fine where I was. Yet I continued to watch the scales drop with terrifying pleasure. At least when it was going down, it wasn't going up.
Could I have been bordering on an eating disorder?
Anorexia is characterized by self-starvation, preoccupation with food, compulsive exercising and an irrational fear of becoming fat. It is a disease of the mind, contaminating self-image and destroying confidence.
The thoughts are like quicksand, pulling one deeper and deeper until rationality is lost. No weight is good enough, no size too small.
High school is a breeding ground for such destructive thinking. Eighty-six percent of the estimated 7-million women suffering from eating disorders report the onset being before the age of 20, according to the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders. Of course, I wasn't immune to the dangers of anorexia. I knew that I was treading on unsteady soil. It had become a routine argument between my parents: my step-dad saying I needed to eat more; my mom defending my position. Friends began to comment about my hollow cheeks and jutting collarbone.
In an effort to justify myself, I began reading about the disorder. Anorexics commonly suffer from malnutrition because of the lack of protein and vitamins in their diets. In girls, the menstrual cycle is often interrupted. In serious cases, the disease may cause heart, kidney and liver damage as the body begins to digest itself. An estimated 6 percent of anorexics die, according to the national anorexia association.
Psychological problems such as mood swings, low self-esteem and depression also can occur.
The research frightened me enough to change. In almost a year, I have gained 15 pounds. I feel healthy, full of life. And though I still harbor the scars from my brush with anorexia, I know that I won't go back. Life is too precious.
- Jacky Johnson, 15, just completed ninth grade at Seminole High.
